Inconsolable

[nilielh]

Title : [Fic] Inconsolable
Rating : R
Genre : Angst/Fluff
Pairing : Sho/Jun, Ohno/Nino
Word count : 2,730 words
Disclaimer : fiction, yo!
Summary : Everytime they fight, it isn’t Jun who goes and leaves; it’s him.

Everytime they fight, it isn’t Jun who goes and leaves; it’s him.

Somehow, it always comes down to how stubborn they both are and Sho knows himself enough to back down whenever he and Jun starts arguing about something that actually isn’t worth arguing about. He knows they’re supposedly on the stage where everything is ought to be smooth-sailing but somehow, after years of being together (in the relationship and as band mates) they’re still relatively far from being there as far as a mature relationship is concern.

It’s not like they are in the road to breaking up whenever they had a fight, of course not, because no matter how many times he yelled at Jun for being a fucking perfectionist even at home or at Jun’s tendency to act like a homicidal girlfriend at times, he knows he love the younger man too much to think of ending the relationship just because of that (though he isn’t that stupid to tell Jun that).

It’s just that sometimes, he really couldn’t understand why Jun has to keep doing the things that instantly pisses him off. It makes him wonder how Jun is able to flip his emotions over with just a simple word, or turn his world upside down by just simply standing in one corner and watching him; he doesn’t know how Jun is able to do it, but everytime he comes close to discovering the apparent end of all these questions, Jun goes and says something, does something highly unpredictable that usually ending up with him reeling on the possibility of loving Jun more than he already does, and the cycle continues on.

But sometimes, just sometimes, Jun uses this ability to fuck his mind around till he’s on the verge of throttling Jun’s pretty neck just to make him stop.

It all goes down to the fact that of all people, Jun knows him best, and he knows exactly how he is when his patience had been deliberately being dragged into its limit.

Still, Jun keeps doing it, for whatever purpose it serves him; Sho thinks that maybe, possibly, under all those mature acts the younger man had been masking all those years, he is still a child. Sho makes a mental note to bring up that matter, soon, when they’re not in the middle of another nonsense spat.

He sighs heavily, remembering the way he’s thrown words and curses at Jun’s way before he dragged himself out of the apartment and literally slamming the door on the younger man’s face; he hates it whenever it happens and he knows how awkward it always is the next time they sees each other but he couldn’t find any real reason to think about that whenever they’re in the middle of a fight.

“Sho-chan, are you staying here tonight?” Aiba calls, knocking a few times before pushing the door open; Sho makes no effort to answer, because Aiba knows him well enough to understand why he suddenly appears in his best friend’s doorstep and moving his way inside without bothering telling him why. “ – Jun-chan just mailed me… he said I should force you to eat something coz you haven’t had anything since morning and you ignored his pasta in favor of stalking out,” Aiba says without pausing, flopping himself lazily down the edge of the bed where Sho is still lying with an arm over his eyes. The taller man scoots closer and pokes Sho repeatedly on the kneecap.

Sho huffs, annoyed; “I’m not hungry,” he grumbles, moving to his side if only to keep himself from kicking Aiba on the face because his friend doesn’t deserve being treated like that more than Jun does.

But then his stomach chooses that exact moment to growl pathetically and Sho feels rather than hears Aiba’s muffled giggles. “ – guess your tummy doesn’t exactly agrees with you, huh, Sho-chan?” Aiba says afterwards, patting his butt playfully.

He huffs and turns, sighing deeply. “Masaki, I… I’m really sorry for always coming here unannounced everytime me and Jun are –“ he stops in mid-sentence, and looking up to see the genuine look of concern lingering through Aiba’s eyes. He knows Aiba doesn’t mind them crashing to his apartment even in ungodly hours and he knows Aiba prefers it this way rather than letting him spend the night alone in a lonely hotel room.

But then there is a spark of playfulness shining bright through his friend’s eyes that Sho still isn’t used to seeing there.

“You and Jun-chan loves each other to a fault, everybody knows that, Sho-chan… and it may feel like you’re both losing each other when you’re fighting but I’m sure you always find enough reason to go back to him. I don’t really know why you guys fought this time, but isn’t it better to stop leaving him when you get mad and just, I don’t know, punish him by tying him to the door and maybe spank him till he apologize?”  

Sho couldn’t help snickering but Aiba looks completely serious that he has to eventually bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from hauling curses right at his friend’s face. He shakes his head and shifts, placing his arms under his head and stares meaningfully at the ceiling instead.

“It’s just… it’s just that, I don’t know why there’s always a time when he does something he knows would drive me crazy, like, he knows that it would but he would still do it despite knowing that we’d end up fighting instead! And I don’t even understand why he always times it when I think we’re finally reaching the point where we could just stay together in one place, with the both of us just hanging out like –“

“ – like a bunch of old, boring married couples, like Captain and Nino?” Aiba cuts him off with a sly smile and he couldn’t help but roll his eyes in return.

Well, to be really honest, wanting exactly that isn’t such a bad thing, right?

He makes a face, turning to face Aiba properly. “Is it a bad thing to wish that I and Jun would reach that same level, Masaki? I mean, look at Leader and Nino… they could stay together for a whole day without even talking and yet no one would say that the two of them are having a spat or something! They seldom fight, despite the fact that their personalities are like, in the two opposite ends because they understand each other enough to make the relationship work! Why can’t we be like them? Why can’t Jun see how I long for us to be like that?”

Aiba smiles and fondly pats his cheek. “It isn’t bad to want to have that, Sho-chan,” Aiba starts patiently, using a tone that reminds him of how teachers often talks to bratty school children. “ – but Leader and Nino’s relationship is way too different from what you and Jun-chan have. Those two knows each other’s fault and differences to the point where it seems like they have stopped minding about each other anymore after the long run. But no, and it is probably due to the fact that they’ve been together forever that made us think that they are what we think they are. Nino may have stopped throwing himself at Leader at every given opportunity, or they may have stopped acting so disgustingly in love at every turn but it’s just the way how love is supposed to be… it is supposed to mature, to grow the same way the two of them has. You may think it’s something to be jealous about, and I’m not going to say that it’s not, but see, you and Jun-chan are way too different from Leader and Nino; Jun-chan~ well, he loves spontaneity and you, you couldn’t possibly live a life filled with nothing but silence like how it’s like in Leader and Nino’s house, because I’m sure you’ll get bored. As far as I’m concerned, the problem here isn’t the fact that Jun pisses you off; it’s the fact that after all these years, Jun still knows how to make you want him the way he always does.”

He gapes, the feeling like he’s been hanging on the edge of a cliff and that someone has finally managed to pull him up and saves him. There’s a hint of smugness curling at the corners of Aiba’s mouth and he groans, muffling words of curses against the back of his palm when Aiba’s grin widens.

“A-Are you telling me –“

“ – that Jun-chan does what he knows is best for the two of you! He doesn’t want you to get bored, so he goes and does something spontaneous to keep everything exciting! I bet once you go home, there’d be a lot of loving and butt-spank –“

“Masaki!”

Aiba had the grace to even snort, shoving him off playfully. “What?! I’m just stating a fact! Isn’t that what makes your relationship stronger? Like, everytime you guys fight, you make up by having intense, mind-blowing sex and –“

“Oh, that’s it! I’m leaving!” he fires in apparent outrage, his face feels like it has been set on flame. Aiba’s laughter follows him even when he reaches the door, turning around to give his friend the middle finger before sauntering outside.

He is finally grinning wide by the time he reaches his car and shaking his head when his phone beeps, and Aiba’s ‘GANBATTE! NADEGATA JAPAN!’ mail popping out in big, bold letters.

He laughs.

#

He makes it back to their apartment in a blur, his mind is too occupied with words of apologies he tries rehearsing since he left Aiba’s place; it isn’t easy, because for the most part of their relationship, he never once apologized even if he was the one at fault. Jun doesn’t bring it up, nor they are able to tackle it once they were back into being the mature adults they were supposed to be.

He figures that is the one thing that they ought to work on, if he wants to keep this, to keep him.

He parks his car in its usual place, glancing at Jun’s car at the other parking space with a soft smile; he’s at least glad that Jun didn’t leave, probably just waiting for him to clear his head before he comes back home.

He sighs, makes his way out his car and squinting as he struts his way towards the lift. There’s that unsteady beat in his chest that usually comes with the reality of wanting to fix things with Jun, even though he knows how awkward things may be at first. 

He sighs again, pressing the number of the floor of their apartment, letting himself inside the lift with nothing in his mind but the genuine, familiar soft smile he wishes would greet him when he knocks on the door.

#

This is where he’s always been afraid of.

Between the time he has to step out of the elevator, to the time he reaches the front door, quietly fidgeting to himself; it scares him more than he would normally admit, and he knows it is no one’s fault but his.

He stands there, switching his weight from one foot to the other, dangling his keys inside his pants’ pocket and hesitating whether to just go ahead or knock; he doesn’t want to be greeted with any object that may come flying his way (although, come to think of it, that is actually Nino’s style more than it is Jun’s).

His brain stops functioning though when the door suddenly opens and a shapely hand grabs his arm and pulls him inside just as quickly, before the owner of the said hand shoves the door closed and pushes him back, pinning him there.

“J-Jun?”

He soon finds a mass of dark, messy hair tucking its way under his chin, and a pair of arms encircling his waist; it shouldn’t matter now, he thinks, as he feels Jun’s lips attaching itself against the skin of his neck, and the younger man’s scoots his trembling body closer to his.

He feels a warm wetness against his neck, dribbling past his collarbones everytime he feels Jun fluttering eyelashes; it makes his insides contract painfully, the feeling is close to that time he was forced to jump out of an airplane for an experiment, even despite the fact that he did it because Jun asked him to.

He finally finds enough brain cells to move his arms, letting his hands traveled from the small of Jun’s back and up; Jun shivers lightly and he languidly drops a kiss on top of Jun’s head, then lets one of his hands rest around the back of Jun’s head and the other he moves to cup Jun’s chin.

“I… I’m s-sorry,” Jun mumbles quietly, eyes still closed and lips quivering; it doesn’t matter to Jun whether he isn’t the one at fault, because everytime this kind of thing happens, Jun is always the first one to apologize.

He chuckles and brushes a thumb over Jun’s cheek. “Open your eyes, Matsumoto,” he commands softly, feeling almost awkward because he has to stand on tiptoe even when Jun is slouched like this, arms still wrapped around him like an affectionate koala. “ – come on,” he whispers, leaning over to drop a gentle kiss against the corners of Jun’s mouth.

When Jun finally opens his eyes, Sho knows that he had, and has been making the right choice, since that day he told Jun he loves him too.

“I love you,” he says, looking straight into Jun’s eyes and trusting Jun to know he means it; Jun’s chin tremble under his touch, a single tear escapes the corner of his eyes when he repeats those three words a few times. “ – and I’m sorry,” he follows with a sheepish grin, taking Jun’s hand in his.

Jun doesn’t say anything, he usually doesn’t but Sho knows him too well to even ask. But this time, Jun looks up into him, leaning up to press a hard, almost demandingly hungry kiss against Sho’s mouth that leaves them both breathless.

“Don’t,” Jun says afterwards, kissing him again, and again; “ – it doesn’t matter, okay? Just as long as you come back, it doesn’t matter. Just… J-Just always come back to me, Sho-chan…”

Sho nods and nods again, taking Jun’s face in both his hands and keeping him there, keeping him in place.

“I will,” he returns with a quiet promise, kissing Jun’s trembling mouth again because he knows he can. “ – I will,”

#

“So did they or did they not?” Nino inquires in a loud voice, feet propped on top of Ohno’s lap while he plays; Sho snorts from his place and decides on ignoring him, or them, for that matter.

Aiba pipes from beside Nino happily. “I’m not really sure, but judging with way Jun-chan is limping and Sho-chan’s wearing a turtle-neck shirt in the middle of summer, then I guess –“

“Masaki!”

Nino grins and takes his feet back, moving over to scoot at Ohno. “Ohchan, we should totally fight today and make up with some angry, angry sex so I could have something to boast about the next day too!” he whines, tugging at Ohno’s sleeve. Ohno smiles lazily and pats his boyfriend’s back, letting his hand linger there as Nino pouts.

“You’re just jealous, Ninomiya,” Jun puts mildly from his seat, elegant fingers flipping through his phone; Nino turns and sticks his tongue out at him in a gesture that makes the rest of them snort in amusement, before he shifts to nuzzle at Ohno’s cheek. “ – because it’s obvious that we’re still not past that ‘fiery stage’ you loved to moan about you and Leader before…”

Sho squirms uncomfortably on his seat, throwing Jun a mildly reproachful look. “Jun, please stop –“

“Oh, so that’s it huh?!” Nino glares, and Sho knows what is coming as he sees Nino slides down the floor and pushes Ohno’s legs apart, letting himself in between. Ohno looks simply amused and lets his brat of a boyfriend do whatever he wants as he leans back, waiting.

“Oi, Nino!”

Nino ignores him and goes straight into shoving his hand inside Ohno’s pants.

Ohno and Aiba giggles.