I Have Kept You In My Heart

[nilielh]

Title : [Fic] I Have Kept You In My Heart (Part 18)
Pairing :  Ohno/Jun, Sho/Nino, Ohno/Nino, Eventual Jun/?
Rating : R
Summary : Before Jun, there was only Nino.  The man Ohno loved with everything he had, loved with such ferocity that any other emotion would pale in comparison. He was Ohno's everything, the love of his life, the person Ohno dreamed of sharing his whole life with someday. Until Nino's untimely death, six years ago.
Disclaimer : fiction, yo!
Warning : Angst in large doses. Memory loss. Minor character death. One-sided love.

 

He’d been waiting there for hours, after he’d received the call. He was told Nino would be there, and that he would be alone. He’d hoped the information was correct, otherwise, he was afraid there wouldn’t be another chance.

It was the perfect opportunity, because everyone in Nino’s family would be in Tokyo. Apparently, Nino’s sister had given birth a few days prior, that’s why they decided to stay there for the time being. And Nino going back home today obviously wasn’t planned. And he was told Nino wasn’t staying here for long since he would be meeting Ohno in the evening; he’d assumed that they would be traveling back to Tokyo afterward together, since Nino had to stay with his family, and Ohno’s job was in Tokyo, too.

Clearly, this had to be accomplished now. Otherwise, he was scrapping the plan and instead killing himself because he could no longer stand seeing them together. He just couldn’t.

The anticipation was making him jumpy, his nerves on edge as he kept watch. Waiting for any noise, he stayed on that corner, straining hard to hear, anything that would signal the arrival of Nino before he could make his move.

Finally, after almost two hours of waiting, the sound of the door opening prompted him to ready himself. He’d made final checks on the contents of his pocket, making sure the necklace was still there as he picked the knife from where he’d briefly put it down on the floor.

The footsteps told him Nino was on his way here, to his room. The door opened just as he expected it to, thankful that Nino didn’t bother turning the lights on as Nino threw his bag on the bed and went straight to the direction of the bathroom, leaving the door halfway open and thus obscuring him from Nino’s view.

The action made him want to laugh out loud for some sick reason.

He twisted the knife in his hand and watched the way the tip glistened in the half-light, only vaguely worried at the way it felt heavy in his hand. He gripped it harder and reminded himself once again why he was here and why he was doing this.

For himself. And for him.

Just like always.

He stepped out of the shadows, from behind the half-opened door at the same time Nino stepped out of the bathroom. They stood there, facing each other, and the shocked look on Nino’s face made the surprise all the more worth it.

He took a step forward just as Nino stepped back, hissing, “W-What…What are you doing here?”

He grinned and didn’t bother answering.


+

 
There were five voicemails, and quite worrying number of messages waiting for him when he finally remembered to turn on his phone. In other times, he would have ignored it, but for very obvious reasons, he couldn’t do that now.

It was totally intentional on his part; he’d initially planned on simply sleeping the whole morning off before he had to meet Matsu-nii after lunch to hand over the necklace and the pendant to have them checked, then head back to the apartment afterwards for a quick shower and to get changed.

Unfortunately, only one of those things happened; just his scheduled meet-up with Matsu-nii after lunch, a very brief meeting because the other man had to be somewhere else before the hour was up.

His plans to sleep the rest of the morning had been rightfully kicked out the window the moment he arrived in the house, for very obvious reasons. His untimely call to his sister aside, he guessed that the reason sleep eluded him had something to do with what had happened earlier that evening, not to mention all the things he’d discovered about the night of Nino’s accident.

He didn’t bother waking the housekeepers when he got there, but that didn’t mean no one would notice his arrival either. To be fair, he guessed he did kind of freak Maru out when the younger man found him crouched on the ground at the entranceway, trying to feel his way around the usual place behind the decade-old potted plants there where his mother used to keep the front door key for emergencies.

It was no longer there, obviously. Maru had told him so, sheepish as he let Ohno in to the house. After that, Maru had insisted to be called upon if Ohno needed anything, and Ohno had simply agreed for propriety’s sake. He hadn’t meant to come here at an ungodly hour and bother Maru (and by extension, his mother) and for that he was truly sorry. But after what happened that night, there were things he had to straighten out in his head, memories he hadn’t meant to be acquainted with but had to, if only to refresh his mind about what might have really happened that night when he thought Nino died.

Despite knowing he was after what could simply be the impossible, he found himself driving himself to Nino’s old family house, in Choshi. As expected, the house was empty, though it didn’t look like it was abandoned. In fact, it sure looked like the house was being looked after despite the fact that no one’s living there at the moment, and it surprised Ohno as much as relate to it.

Surprisingly, the spare key for the house was still in its previous hiding place – unlike theirs – and it made his very unexpected trip here worth it.

He’d spent the most of that morning touring the whole house, the rooms, the backyard, and the area surrounding the place, Maru trailing after him like an unwilling shadow. He honestly didn’t expect to find anything – how could he when it had been close to six years since the accident happened – and Maru told him as much when he admitted the real reason he went there, albeit Maru’s obvious confusion about the whole thing.

“B-But I thought they’ve – that they’ve ruled it as an accident back then? That happened what, five, six years ago, if I remember correctly?” Maru had asked, a long moment later, as if he just really had to point that out, sounding and looking confused. Ohno couldn’t exactly blame him – the fact that he was here, inquiring about the incident six years too late was confusing as it was, and it didn’t help that Maru had no idea what had really transpired the night they all thought Nino died.

He couldn’t have; they’ve been told the same thing Ohno knew, and despite himself being there that night too, the one who found Nino even, he had no idea what had happened afterwards when the ambulance took Nino away.

Ohno remembered frowning at the way Maru’s anxiousness radiated out of him in waves, as if he didn’t even realize he was doing it.

Ohno tried not to dwell on that thought much and opted on ignoring it, for the time being.

“They did, yes, but –“ he’d explained then paused, briefly wondering whether it was a good idea to let Maru know why he was doing this now and not six years ago, when he supposed it mattered more. But then again, things back then were different than they are now; he had no idea Nino didn’t die that night when he was certain Nino took his last breath, right there in the front porch of Nino’s family’s house, in his arms even, nor he was made aware of the fact that there was this puzzling, if not worrying, piece of evidence that had been in Nino’s mother’s possession ever since, either.

And that was just one of the many things that worried him. Honestly, what concerned him more, now, was whether it was even appropriate to let Maru, his family, and those people in Ohno’s own immediate family and circle who knew Nino that he was, in fact, alive, and was not dead.

Well, whatever. It was inevitable now, either way. Keeping it a secret would be foolish, especially since he had every intention of bringing Nino around here as soon as he possibly could, hopefully to help Nino regain his memories, at least once he was sure it was safe, for Nino, especially.

He remembered reaching over to squeeze Maru’s shoulder, offering him a smile as he mumbled, “I could say things are completely different now, Maru,” he said, pondering on the truth and wholeheartedly grateful for it, really.

“W-Why?”

“Because six years later, I found out there’d been a miracle,” he whispered, heart too full he could barely speak through the emotion lodging in his throat. “Because Nino is alive, Maru. A few days ago, six years after the night I thought he died, I found out that he actually didn’t. He’s alive. Nino’s alive, and I swear to god, that ought to mean something. It had to be. But one thing’s for sure, though; Nino turning up alive only means I have to know what really happened that night, for my peace of mind and for Nino’s sake as well. I’m going to make sure whoever did that to Nino will be punished, I swear I’m going to do everything in my power to uncover the truth, even if it’s the last thing I’m ever going to do for Nino.” He had said, promised it even, and meaning it.

Maru had scrambled back in shock, before stumbling forward again and shaking Ohno as if he hadn’t realized he was doing it, half-begging, half-demanding to know what happened and if it was possible for him to see Nino too. Ohno just stayed with him there, confused and equal-parts amused, witnessing Maru’s reaction, and wondering if his own had been even on the same scale or not, when he’d been told about it the first time. Maybe, it wasn’t, but he guessed the circumstances were to blame. Somehow, it didn’t surprise him anymore. He knew, even back then, how fond Maru was with Nino, cared for him, maybe even loved him, albeit the fact that he’d kept it a secret, for very obvious reasons.

Despite all that, he was glad. Because somehow, he knew that Maru was just one more person added to the list of people who are glad that Nino was alive, and that, honestly, was enough.

Right now though, there was something else he ought to be worried of, aside from what was obvious, as he scrolled through the messages he received while his phone was off, and wincing at their contents just as he decided to check on the voicemails, once he’d remembered to turn it back on, leaving Maru for a while as he locked the front door before they have to leave.

Three of them were from Yuri, and two, surprisingly, were from Jun, their contents almost the same; both men were asking about the art samples they were supposed to hand over to the ASEAN Assembly of the Arts office, today, as was scheduled.

Obviously, he’d completely forgot all about it, given the surprising events of the previous night. He groaned inwardly, hand drifting to the back of his neck absently. Crap, he was in trouble.

The first he called was Jun, because despite the still unresolved issue between them, their jobs, obviously, wasn’t meant to suffer because of it.

Unsurprisingly, Jun didn’t answer. He tried calling three more times after the first, but somehow, all his calls ended up going straight to voicemails. Left with nothing more to do, he left a simple, “Sorry about missing your calls. Phone was off all morning. Let me talk to Yuri and get back to you. I’m so sorry.” And hung up.

Then he called Yuri, who answered after the first ring.

“Yuri, hey. I’m so sorry I missed your calls –“

“Satoshi-nii, thank god you called,” Yuri said, cutting in, sounding relieved. “I’ve been calling you since morning, and probably Jun-san too, I think. I called him earlier when I couldn’t contact you, about the art samples, you remember? I’m so sorry, but, where are you?”

“It’s fine, it was my fault anyway,” he said, vaguely wondering which question to answer first, before deciding on focusing on what was important. Right now, that’s clearly about the art samples and how they were supposed to be on their way to Higayashima-san’s office as they speak.

“I haven’t talked to Jun yet, but I did receive a couple of voicemails and messages from him too. The samples are actually ready; I’ve selected the ones I thought would make the cut and packed them myself too, but it just completely slipped my mind that you were supposed to pick them up today. They’re in my studio, in the apartment.” He said, wincing mentally at his very obvious stupidity.

“We guessed as much,” Yuri mumbled, before Ohno could ask him where he was. “Jun-san said the same thing.”

“About the samples?” he asked.

“Yes,” Yuri said, pausing for a few seconds before he started speaking again. “And Satoshi-nii? Actually, I’m already here, in your apartment, I mean. When I couldn’t contact you, I thought I’d just drop by to check whether you’re home and was just busy to check your phone,” Yuri said, wryly. “Obviously, you aren’t. Surprisingly, Jun-san isn’t either. He said so when he called me back and told me he wasn’t staying here now. Is there – something wrong? Are you guys fighting?”

Warmth settled on his cheeks hearing that. He shook his head and momentarily allowed himself to worry about the still unresolved issue between him and Jun, before quickly reminding himself to snap out of it. This wasn’t the time to dwell on that, he told himself; certainly, that was what Jun would have told him too if he was here.

He sighed. “Don’t let him hear you say that or you’ll be in trouble,” he said, amused despite himself and the situation they’re in. “Anyway, I’ll try my best to get there as soon as I can. But it might take an hour or more since it’s already almost four. Just, I don’t know, wait for me at the parking lot or the coffee shop near there and –“

“Um, I think Jun-san is on his way here too, Nii-san,” Yuri cut in. “Sorry, but you weren’t answering my calls and these samples really needed to be submitted today.”

He cursed mentally. “Did he say he’s on his way?”

“Not really, but he did say he’ll try to be here as soon as he can, so, I guess that means the same thing?”

“Right, okay. I’ll just…I’ll call him again, see if he’ll answer. You try and call him too, okay? Let him know you’ve talked to me. You can ask him if he wants me to go instead, back to the apartment to give you the samples, that is, so he won’t have to do that himself. I’m sure he’s not that keen on talking to me, or even seeing me in person if he could help it, and that might certainly happen if we end up at the apartment together at the same time.”

“You really are fighting, wow.”

He snorted, wondering if he should be amused or annoyed, or both. “Yuri, now’s not the time to be voicing out your opinions, you hear me? Just focus on the samples for now and make sure you’d let Jun know I’m on way there too, okay? Just, I don’t know, give me a call once you’ve talked to him again, I think that’s better.”

“Okay, Nii-san.”

“Right. See you later, then. Bye.” He said, and hung up.

He rolled his shoulders back, wondering if it was better to just leave the job of handing-over of the samples to Jun, since Yuri had already kind of mentioned he’d take care of it. For one, he didn’t think it was ideal for them to see each other now, and for another, he honestly didn’t want to make Jun feel like he had to force himself to be civil towards Ohno around polite company, when he would rather bash Ohno’s head into a wall and be done with it.

Really, that was something he could very well relate to.

Heaving another sigh, he pocketed his phone and went back inside to find Maru who was, surprisingly, still standing there and looking forlornly at the front steps of Nino’s old family house, keys still in his hand. Ohno wouldn’t deny that being there made him feel uneasy, in ways he couldn’t explain. Seeing Maru there made him wonder what the other man was thinking, what those people who knew and loved Nino would be thinking after knowing that the person they’ve all mourned the death of, six years ago, had turned up to be alive after all.

Shaking that thought aside for now, he exhaled sharply and walked the rest of the way towards Maru to let him know they’re going, only vaguely remembering calling Aiba to check how Nino was doing, before quickly reminding himself that it would be better not to.

He was certain it was better to leave Nino be, at least for now, especially after what happened last night. Everything Nino had to hear - from his sister and from him – and was forced to understand despite those huge chunks of memories he was missing, all of those were a lot to take in and he was fairly certain Nino would appreciate it if he didn’t show up there for the time being, at least until he himself had definite answers of his own that he could contribute regarding the necklace and the pendant that he’d handed over earlier to be checked.

“Maru, hey,” he called, softly, to get Maru’s attention. Maru startled, shook himself out of whatever daze he was in and turned to face him, before swiftly averting his gaze when their eyes catch.

“Yes, Ohno-kun?”

Ohno sighed. “Are you done locking up?“ he inquired, eyeing the keys in Maru’s hand.

“Ah, yes, sorry. Here,” Maru mumbled, handing over the keys which Ohno readily took.

“Are you okay?” he asked, noticing Maru’s shaking fingers.

Maru nodded. “Yes. I just – I still can’t believe it, you know?” Maru whispered, looking as if he was in a trance. Ohno knew exactly how that felt.

“Believe me, I know,” he said, reaching up and mock-punching Maru on the arm. “But you have to snap out of it, okay? Or at least try to calm yourself down. You wouldn’t want to scare Nino off when you see him, yeah?”

Maru visibly shook at that, his eyes swelled with tears but he said nothing. Ohno decided not to say anything in return as he stood next to Maru there, taking in the sight of the empty house, near the spot where he found Nino’s almost lifeless body six years ago, and wincing mentally at the resurfacing memories despite himself.

The memory ached as if the fact that Nino was alive didn’t matter, and in that moment, Ohno once again promised himself he wouldn’t stop until he found the truth of what happened to Nino that night.

And he was just getting started.


+


Jun seriously didn’t like where this conversation was going.

His baseball-sized headache seemed to double in size the longer he sat there, listening to Sakurai-Sensei talk. The questions didn’t only serve to confuse him, but hearing the rest of what the doctor had to say annoyed him for some reason.

“You don’t remember, do you?” Sakurai-Sensei asked.

Jun wanted to tell him off, say he didn’t have time for this now when there were far more important things that needed his attention, but he tried to bite his tongue and held himself, seeing the equally-confused expressions on both his best friend’s face and his wife.

“Jun, why didn’t you tell me it’s that serious?” Shun asked, prompting him to turn his attention to his friend. “I mean, what the hell, no wonder you seemed pretty fucked up. Your love life is one sick motherfucker, I swear to you.”

He snorted and gave Shun the middle finger. He honestly didn’t plan on talking about this with other people, even with his friends, and he wasn’t about to start now. Things would have to be resolved soon, of course, but it would have to be between him and Ohno first and foremost.

Obviously, getting drunk was the worst idea in the history of worst ideas, since it was clear that he’d blabbered on endlessly about everything he had no wish to disclose when sober, but that’s another matter he’d have to beat himself up some other time. It’s obvious he wouldn’t be able to walk away from it anymore, especially when it was his doctor who had the unfortunate luck to witness such stupidity up close.

Jun groaned mentally and cursed under his breath.

Just how much did he tell his doctor last night, enough to make him stay and wait until Jun recovered from his drunken stupor so they could talk? He honestly had no idea but it was clear the doctor had heard enough. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be here.

Jun stood and gestured a hand at his audience, threw Shun a glare to stop him talking. “Yes, I know I have things to explain and no, I’m not running away from them but right now, I have to go. There’s important stuff in my apartment that has to be taken care of first, otherwise, I’ll lose an important client.” He said, studiously avoiding glancing at the doctor who seemed plainly unaware that he was making Jun feel quite uneasy.

Afterward, he pivoted, but a hand closing around his elbow stopped him from leaving at once. When he turned back around, he realized it was Sakurai-Sensei’s hand.

“You sure it’s important, Jun-san?” Sakurai-Sensei asked, as if he was gauging Jun’s answer, checking it he would be telling the truth. Jun nodded, throat too full to speak. “Fine, then. I’ll drive you there. Then we could talk somewhere else, how’s that sound? I’ll drive you home again afterwards, I promise.”

To that, Jun obviously had no answer. So he just nodded his head again and tugged his arm away, feeling the warmth of the doctor’s touch lingering even when he started to walk away.


+


He checked his phone one more time, just to check if there was a message or a call he’d missed. He couldn’t afford to miss anything now. It would be difficult to explain why.
His phone vibrated as if on cue, and he willed his fingers not to shake as he checked who was calling. Then he frowned. The number was not on his contact list. That was unusual.

He answered anyway.

Immediately after, he wished he didn’t.

The words were hurried, the caller’s voice was raspy it was almost breathless. But the message was clear.

His fingers did shake when he pushed his phone firmly into his ear, straining to hear every word spoken.

He wasn’t hearing it wrong.

The caller screamed from the other line, as if he couldn’t bear not to yell any longer.

Ninomiya was alive, he said.

His phone dropped on the ground with an almost inaudible thump.