[Fic] Reminisce

[nilielh]

Title : Reminisce 23/?
Rating : PG
Pairing : Ohno/Nino
Disclaimer : entirely a work of fiction yo!
Note : Needs revising. Read at your own risk

The minutes passed by in a blur and Ohno still wondered how Nino managed to turn his back when Ohno was clearly waiting for him to snap and to probably beat the living crap out of him, but it never happened.

The look on Nino’s face was beyond what he had expected and Ohno couldn’t find it in him to be more surprised than he already was. He was expecting some other kind of reaction from the younger man (like killing him with his bare hands, for one) and yet Nino only gave him that one look that practically covered everything he was feeling and effectively throwing Ohno off the loop.

“I was waiting for one, just one fucking apology and you give me this…”

And with that one line, Nino successfully sent his message across and Ohno never felt more disgusted with himself.

Ohno knew he was being a jerk and it still wouldn’t cover half of the things he had done that resulted to Nino’s suffering over the years. His lips felt numb but he couldn’t find the strength to care about it knowing that he had hurt Nino once and again. Almost four years ago, Ohno promised himself never to show his face to Nino and that that would be the last time he was going to hurt the younger man. But time had passed and Ohno found it even harder to look at himself while pretending he was fine, when in fact, he was not.

Nobody knew the reason why he had to leave everything behind. Why he had decided to live his life without Nino… without the familiar warmth of his family, his friends. He thought it was the right thing to do then and although he was a totally different man now, Ohno was still pondering on the thought of the ‘what ifs’.

What if he never left? What if things weren’t as complicated as they are now? What if he was honest and told Nino the truth? Would it change everything? Or would it not?

He stepped forward and hung his head, leaning heavily against the door where Nino slipped out just a few moments ago. He could still feel his heart beating fast, his hands trembling as he clawed it tightly until it dug painfully against his skin. He was not supposed to feel this way since that day he decided to leave the most important person in his life. He was not supposed to be hurt because it was his fault.

But the moment their eyes met, Ohno felt that strong urge to throw his arms around the slighter man and keep him close to him for as long as he can or for as long as Nino would allow him. He tried keeping himself from falling apart the moment he felt Nino’s body against him because he knew he had been playing this part for years and seeing Nino again didn’t give him any right to break his promise. Nino deserved something more.

Something he could never give Nino no matter how badly he wanted to.

Nino looked the same from what Ohno remembered but Ohno quickly saw the difference written all over Nino’s eyes… those eyes Ohno loved so much. His blood started pumping hard and he could feel his heartbeat accelerating the minute Nino looked up, his liquid hazel eyes staring up at him in a mixture of pain and confusion. And Ohno wasn’t able to resist the urge. He wanted Nino. Still wanted him even after all those years. Even after all of the things he had done.

He knew he didn’t deserve him. Nino didn’t deserve to be treated that way and yet Ohno made it a point to just come back and hurt him, again. Ohno really was being a royal bastard but he couldn’t help it. He had to do it because he needed to know whether what Aiba said was true. He needed to see it for himself.

And yes, it was wrong of him to provoke Nino like that. But if he had to do it again, he would. Just so he could be able to feel Nino’s heartbeat against him… the warmth of Nino’s body pressed against him. Just knowing that Nino loved him still, despite the things Ohno had done in the past was something Ohno never expected but appreciated just the same.

There was no sense running away from the truth when it was there all these time. Ohno may have fooled Nino by showing him a side of him he knew never existed just to protect the younger man. But Ohno could never, ever fool himself. Taking another deep breath, Ohno let go of the tears he realized he was holding, biting hard on his lips just to keep any sound from spilling out.

“… K-Kazu… I’m s-so sorry…” he muttered brokenly. “… I.. I m-miss you… I m-miss you so much, Kazu…”

And Ohno wished there was some way he could stop from always breaking Nino’s heart.

#

“I am going to kill him.”

“Jun…”

Jun ignored Sho in favor of glaring towards Aiba as the taller man remained still. “… and when I’m done with him, you can be sure I’ll kill you next Masaki…” Jun said, his voice trailing.

“… Jun please~”

Nino didn’t know how long he had been sitting there, unmoving, when he felt someone’s fingers brushing the tears off his face. He didn’t know he was crying and he ducked low, sniffing. He let out a strangled laugh when the owner of the same fingers pulled him into a tight embrace and Nino felt his back hit that person’s warm chest.

“Nino…” Sho mumbled through his hair and Nino wasn’t able to keep himself from shaking. The amount of emotion settling over his bones was indescribable and though he promised never to let them see him like this, Nino knew the battle had been lost.

“H-He’s a b-bastard, Sho-chan…” Nino muttered against his own hand, sobbing quietly. “… a b-bastard… whom I’m still in love with… I’m so stupid, dammit!”

There. The confirmation he never wanted to say out loud and yet he knew it was inevitable. He knew there was no use denying it anyway. Most especially now that every part of him was screaming the older man’s name.

Nino thought he was over Ohno and yet there he was, making a mess of himself when in fact he already promised himself never to shed a single tear over the older man.

“Nino-chan…” Aiba mumbled behind him as the taller man wrapped him into his arms, murmuring words through his hair. Nino wanted to tell them off but he knew there was no way they would let him be, especially after what happened. And Nino didn’t really like to be left alone even if he asked for it.

And because deep inside of him, he still wished for something he was supposed to have let go a long time ago.