nilielh | Captivated

Title : Captivated
Rating : PG
Pairing: Ohno/Sho (surprised?)
Disclaimer : fiction, yo!

I wonder when my eyes started following you…

…when I started becoming conscious of your every move.

I always feel my heart pounding crazily on my chest whenever I catch sight of you.

Everything you do, I don’t know why, but to me it looks so cute that I sometimes end up saying it aloud, making your face flush a bright red as you try to hide your embarrassment.

You’re adorable. I want to watch you all day.

But I can’t do that. We both have our individual careers, and we live in different homes.

So at times we’re not together, I only rely on my TV, hoping that the camera captures every expression you make.

I watch you carefully, not letting myself miss even the slightest movement of your silky hair, the smallest sound escaping your beautiful plump lips… to the point that I memorize every little detail.

Whenever we’re together, just the lightest brush of your arms to mine sends shivers to my spine. I often end up trying to stop myself from pulling you close.

Without being aware of it, you’ve completely caught me, both body and soul…

I can no longer escape.

You’ve captivated me. So much that such thoughts enter my mind…

“…if only it was possible, I’d never let you out of my sight.”

“…if only it was possible, I’d make you mine.”

ii.

I see you watching me again, those curious eyes of yours following my every movement as if whatever I do means so much to you. I feel myself flush everytime I catch you staring, but you don't seem to bother about subtlety at all because instead of tearing your eyes, you gaze at me as if I'm the only thing that matters, as if I'm worth the extra attention you're always giving me.

It gives me the shiver when you smile like you know what I'm thinking, like you know what I'll do next. They may think you're oblivious to the world around you, but its because they don't see the way you move, the way you seemed to capture the world with a little glance.

Maybe there is something more, maybe I can work this to my advantage, but everytime I try to sort out my thoughts, you smile at me in a way that makes me want to drop on my knees and worship you. Its silly, and probably worst than any possible creepy thing our band mates could think of but well, I wish I could tell you how much I want to be more than what I am to you now;

Be mine.

iii.

I wonder if it’s just my imagination playing tricks on me.
Lately it seems your eyes meet my stolen glances.

Have you caught on to how I feel?

You don’t know how much I long for that day to come.. but at the same time, I’m afraid.

How would you react? Just the thought of it scares me.

All those years I spent trying to build a closer bond to you, with just one word, it’ll all disappear.

I appear to be nonchalant most of the time…
But whenever you purposely meet my gaze, I can’t keep my cool.

Images of us being more than this keep flooding my mind.

Is this an indication?

Should I take the risk?

I don’t believe in things such as signals but, just this once…
Without breaking away your gaze…

Call my name.

And I’ll readily surrender to this trap you laid.

iv.

Here I am again, finding myself lost in the gaze you so often trapped me into; it scares me sometimes, not knowing what most of those gazes meant but I guess that's something you are so very good at.
Challenging me, surprising me, making me feel like there's nothing in this world could ever stop me when you say I can do things I don't even realize I could.

You look at me and all I think about is the fact that I could be better than all of these, that I could be happier, more satisfied. You walk beside me and the feeling of contentment washing over me in waves.

I want to be able to hold you like he does, touch you like no one would ever dare touch you again, make love to you until I'm satisfied enough to know that you're mine.

But you're not. And it feels like none of us wants to make the first move, to cross that line I would bravely stomp over if only you will smile, and tell me that I can and that you've been waiting.

I've been waiting.

I've always been.

v.

As if time had stopped, we continued to hold each other’s gaze. Little by little, I could feel my face heating up and I could see a shade of red gradually becoming more and more apparent on your cheeks.

I was so captivated that I dare not breakaway, even as I felt another person’s warmth gently wrapping around me.

I could sense your heated gaze slowly loosen as you caught sight of him clinging onto me. It was as if you were about to look away, and I couldn’t bear the thought of not having another chance like this.

I wanted so much to reach out to you only to be stopped by this nagging part of me which was hoping for a sign. All I could do was to plead with my eyes even though the possibility of you understanding was close to none.

And then it hit me.

Still holding on to your gaze, I lifted my hands up and just at that, you gave me an expectant look. I felt my confidence slowly rise; placing my hands on top of the other’s, I motioned to remove myself from the tight embrace. Your eyes gleamed at the act and I couldn’t help but give you a warm smile as I found myself wanting to silently reassure you I belong to no one but you.

Yes, I belong to no one but you.
And I can only hope that you’ll belong to me too.

vi.

It took me a long while before I found myself reeling at the possibility that maybe, just maybe, there's something more to these stolen glances than what I'm allowing myself to believe. Its there, even from the very beginning and it doesn't even come close to what I've been dreaming about since the day I realized I want you more than anything else in the world.

I see him throw you a confused little stare, his hands inching back to where they were previously wrapped around you but you managed to give him a warning stare before you turn your gaze back onto me again.

I shudder at the intense emotion I saw in your eyes, struggling to find the exact words to define the motion without sounding fifteen, like I've been staring in the eyes of the girl I've been crushing on since 3rd grade.

You nod your head a little, your eyes bearing the answer I've been so afraid to ask, your lips giving away the clue without having to say the words out loud.

"I love you. "

vii.

Finally, I could see a gentle smile grace your lips.

I remain standing in place as I realized the distance between us was slowly closing in.

Just when I thought my heart would never pound any faster than this, I was proven wrong.

My hands started shaking as I anticipated the moment you’ll stop in front of me, and my brain could no longer think of anything.

Will you call my name? I couldn’t help but ask myself as I remember the sign I had asked for.

Is it okay to assume that something like this is possible? You, the man I had always been so in love with is walking towards me. The act itself was not new but the feeling stored with every step you took is something I cannot put into words.

The moment you took your last step, I could see the gentleness in your eyes. At that instant I wanted to pull you closer, allowing no space between us; and for some reason, I could sense that you felt the same way.

You kept on giving me that certain look as you turned your gaze back and forth my face and the ground.

You are still hesitating.

As I waited for you to finally speak, I mumbled a silent prayer and whispered as softly as possible for you not to hear,

“I love you”

viii.

Everything seemed to have stopped from moving and time stood still as I stand there, watching you as you drop your gaze where I could no longer see the sadness in your eyes.

Is it my fault? Is it because I'm still hesitating? Or is it because I'm afraid that I'm expecting so much out of this?

You look up and I saw your lips moved, and it is all I could do not to tremble when I realized what you just said, most probably just to yourself.

Did you just - ?

O-Oh.

ix.

Noticing your face instantly turn red as you stared at me, I realized that you caught on to what I whispered. Figures. Even if I said in a way that's too soft to hear, my lips mouthing the words were not invisible to the eyes.

In my head I started panicking but my body only did the opposite, I froze. All the more so when your hand slowly lifted up in an attempt to reach out to me.

Even at the slightest touch, once your hand brushes mine, I will not be able to stop myself from pulling you close.

Now what will you do? I look at you expectantly.

x.

You threw me a look that spoke volumes of questions I may not be able to answer at once; I know there's a right place, and the right to do this, not when we're in the company of our band mates but for all its worth, I don't think I could be able to walk away without letting you know.

I smile, meeting your eyes for the longest time and sees you crack up a grin of your own. I could feel my heart beating so fast, like my chest is about to burst with the emotion bubbling hot and fierce inside me. I blink and the next thing I know, you are already in front of me, taking my trembling hand inside your own.

"Come," you said with a smile that could light up a whole town and I had to, can't not, succumb to what you wanted me to do.

"Yes. "

xii.

I took your hand and placed it on top of mine; I gazed into your eyes searching for affirmation and when I saw them sparkle, I knew that you had given me your consent. With that being said, I carefully and nervously entwined our fingers, you didn't pull away so I was convinced that I can take the chance. With a smile forming in my lips, I whispered, "Come"

All traces of hesitation were wiped away from your face as you answered a shy "Yes." and I knew just then, that the thick wall that separates the two of us is slowly crumbling.

I couldn't help but be excited at the thought. The expression you had right then, told me you were willing to cross the line with me.

No more need for signs. Just by looking at your gleaming eyes, your adorable smile, the redness in your cheeks, and your hand in mine, I already knew the answer.

We're getting there.

It may take some time but, I was positive.

We're gonna get there.