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nilielhTitle : [Fic] Hear the words you ought not to say
Pairing : Ohmiya
Rating : PG
Genre : Angst/Romance
Word count : 1,059 words
Summary : The last entry did something to Ohno’s heart that he found himself weeping quietly as he gripped the sketchbook close to him.
It had taken him over an hour to get Nino to sleep, over an hour to convince the younger man that he's staying until morning and that he wasn't going to leave unless Nino told him to.
It was hard, doing these things when he didn't even know where he stood in Nino's life; he knew the younger man loved him just as much as he did, but sometimes, Ohno couldn't really be sure what to make of it when Nino wouldn't even acknowledge him and his feelings when it mattered. But he guessed he just needed to get used to the fact that with Nino, things were mostly done in codes and wordless actions, and though it sometimes tired him out to decode those things Nino chose to throw his way, he still opted on staying.
Today, Nino had been particularly edgy, clingy even, to the point where they've been receiving weird stares from their band mates and their managers alike; he didn't say anything -- didn't have the heart to say anything at all if only to mask the confusion, because he knew Nino enough to know just when to keep his mouth shut.
He reached down to brush Nino's bangs away from his eyes, let the tips of his finger lingered for a bit before trailing it down to the corners of Nino's eyes, the bridge of his nose, and down to the side of his mouth before brushing Nino's chin where his mole resided.
Nino murmured in his sleep before turning to his side and Ohno ducked down to press a soft kiss on top of Nino's head before getting up; he would probably fix himself a cup of tea, or treat himself to a bottle of beer before he took a shower, then tucked himself beside Nino and wished that he wouldn’t wake up to a punch on the face or a kick on the shin the next morning.
He grinned to himself and was on his way out when his eyes caught something familiar – his sketchbook – or at least the same one that Nino’s got him for his birthday, along with a huge set of art stuffs that must have cost a fortune most especially since they came from Nino. The sketchbook looked like it was stuffed hastily into the bedside table’s drawer, and it must have been shoved there in a rush because it did look like it had just been pushed there without any regard that it was still actually peeking out. Curiously, Ohno pulled the drawer softly, careful not to make any noise and took the sketchbook out.
The first few pages were filled with couples of Nino’s unfinished song compositions, the words were scrawled neatly by Nino’s careful handwriting. The next few pages though were filled with something Ohno was sure he wasn’t supposed to read.
But he did anyway.
The last entry did something to Ohno’s heart that he found himself weeping quietly as he gripped the sketchbook close to him.
Those people who kept on saying that you’re only good at spacing out are dumb, because between the two of us, you’ve been good at expressing yourself way better than I do. I guess it’s because I’m the stupid one, and maybe because you could read me like an open book without even trying.
I know we’ve been like this for years, but I bet you’re aware about the many things I should be saying aloud instead of acting like a snake every goddamn time I feel like putting you inside my pocket and never show you to anyone.
I love you, you know that, don’t you?
I’ve loved you since we were young, loved you through all the years we’ve been together. I don’t know if you noticed it, but I’ve been living my life each day knowing that I’m going to spend it with you, and wanting to wake up the next morning knowing that I’m going to see you again.
But it’s scary to have these feelings and not know how to handle them, because you’ve been my lifeline, even if I was too scared to show it; you’ve been my source of strength, the reason why I could still be able to do what I’ve been doing – the reason why I’m still here.
It’s scary to imagine how my life would be without you – how I would be able to get through each day if you’re no longer around. I hate thinking what would happen to me if you chose to move away, to leave me when the only thing that’s keeping me going is you.
I do not want to imagine not having you beside me when I look around for you, but would it matter if you dont feel the same as I do? Would you be able to know how I’m going to wake up each day to the thought that the sole reason I am still breathing was no longer there to share each waking day with me?
You are my life, Ohchan – but I’m not going to say it to you because I don’t want to burden you with the responsibility I am putting on your shoulders quietly just because I wanted to, because you deserved more than that; you deserved more – more than what I could ever give you.
And though I couldn’t say these things to you, I wish that somehow, I could – because I have wanted no one else but you, wanted nothing else but to spend the remaining days of my life living it with you.
Please stay even when I couldn’t say it – please kiss me even when I try to walk away; hug me when you think I need it, and tell me that you love me even if it’s a lie.
Even if you’re not going to be there the next morning, and even if I have to stay here waiting for you to return when I know you wouldn’t.
2012. 10.16
Kazunari Ninomiya
Wiping the tears that he didn’t realize he was shedding, he took out the pen from the drawer itself and wrote something next to Nino’s name.
I’m staying – even if you tell me to leave.
Please don’t tell me to leave.
I love you then, now and always, Kazu.
Tomorrow, I will tell that to you.
Satoshi.
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(no subject)
Date: 2012-10-19 11:10 pm (UTC)Can I quote part of this beauty on my Tumblr? I'll put credits, ofc. It's just that I found it so heartwarming and oh-so-worth-squealing-for that I want to spread this incredible amount of love making fireworks inside of me XD
I have a thing for fluff, can't help it, I'm a fluff addict. And I'm never gonna sober up if I keep on reading works like yours (As if I even wanted to. LOL).
(no subject)
Date: 2012-10-20 02:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-10-20 01:38 pm (UTC):D
(no subject)
Date: 2012-10-20 06:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-10-21 10:48 am (UTC)Thanks again and see you around :3