[Fic] I'll have you know, you are my life and my future

[nilielh]

 

Title : [Fic] I'll have you know, you are my life and my future
Author : Jadey
Rating : R
Pairing : Jun/Ohno (Aiba/Nino, past Ohno/Nino)
Prompt : Remote Control (@rainbowfilling)
Summary : Nino and Ohno got into an accident at 2 o’clock in the morning. They have no business being out together without either Jun or Aiba knowing.
Disclaimer : fiction, yo!
Word count : 3380 words
Note : And here we have the last part of this unexpected 3-shot :D Continuation of Simple Things and Where you are is where I’ve ever want to  be 

It might be a little disconcerting to admit that he’s jealous, or the fact that he’s even entertaining the idea in the first place, because really, there’s nothing to be jealous about. It’s been years, and they’ve been together long enough for him to be confident about where he stands in the other man’s life, but, this – this is just, well, unexpected.

Unexpected in a sense that he honestly didn’t see this one coming, and he’s certain that Aiba feels the same way, too; it’s just, well, it’s confusing and everything about this whole thing is slowly starting to get really annoying. 

Somehow, Jun just doesn’t get it.

It’s mostly the fact that he doesn’t understand much of what happened that got him really pissed, coupled with the fact that he has to put up a façade every goddamn time just to make sure no one’s going to be able to pick up on how not knowing is messing up his head in all the worst possible ways.

It’s not even the fact that it’s forbidden to talk to anyone about the incident, because fuck if he’s not used to keeping his mouth shut when he has to –  but this? The silence and the let’s-just-not-talk-about-this-ever is starting to get in his head and he’s pretty sure that one of this days, he’ll just snap. Damn it if he’s still sure of what to think after all has been said and done because it certainly feels a hundred times not okay for everything to be set aside as if nothing has happened in the first place. 

Because that’s exactly what is happening now; no one dared asked the most crucial questions even after Nino and Ohno had been released from the hospital, though it is quite possibly had to do with how he and Aiba reacted to the accident itself.

Back then, he’s pretty certain he didn’t care about the why’s, because really, how could he when his thoughts were clouded with worry and the only thing he was concerned about was Ohno and Nino’s welfare. 

But weeks after the accident, Jun feels the agitation grows no matter how much he tries to stop it.

He knows he should let it pass, that he should be otherwise thankful that nothing serious had happened but he couldn’t – he just couldn’t; not even after what Nino said when they talked, confirming exactly what Ohno said prior to his conversation with Nino, but it’s hard. 

It’s hard convincing himself that everything’s okay when he knows they’re not, because that’s what it feels like. It hasn’t been the same way between him and Ohno since the accident, although he couldn’t find fault with regards to how the older man is after the accident. So he’s knows this is all him – the doubt is eating at him slowly and it’s not going to stop until he does something about it.

He believed them, of course – of course. It’s just that – it’s just that it’s so hard keeping that nagging part of him quiet, the part who wants answers and wants those answers badly.

“Good work today,” Aiba greets him, and Jun briefly wonders how long he’s been idly staring at nothing that he’s not able to realize someone’s already there with him in the green room. Aiba’s tugging his outershirt on and then picking his workbag from where it’s perched on the side table, eyeing him as he does so. 

“Yeah,” he says, standing up to grab his jacket and putting it on; he’s pretty sure they’re both done for the day, excluding Sho and the other two, of course. “So, are you heading home or --?” he asks, in lack of anything better to say and wonders how long this will go on until he really does snaps. 

“Probably,” Aiba tells him, “I don’t really have anything lined up for the day, so it’s that or go out to have a drink or nine – what about you?” 
He shrugs. “Home,” he says, then, “aren’t you going to visit Nino?”

“Nino-chan’s back at his mother’s,” Aiba says, as if that answers Jun’s question. “I’d go there if I don’t have an early interview scheduled tomorrow,” he says, then like an afterthought, “What about Leader?”

“At home playing Wii,” he mutters, remembering the series of texts Ohno sent him while he’s at work, asking him questions on how to win the game he’s playing. “The cast is scheduled to be removed this week and that’s probably why he stopped sulking already. The XRAY showed no permanent damage, just a couple of torn ligaments or something and his doctor said he’ll be able to go back to normal in about two more weeks. He’s itching to go out and fish, and let me tell you it’s driving me completely crazy,”

Aiba huffs a tired laugh and reaches over to pat him on the shoulder. “Well, I guess I’m lucky that Nino-chan had chosen to stay with his mother rather than with me, and that the few cuts and bruises he got were the extent of his injuries but who am I to talk, right? I’m glad that Leader is doing well and that he’s only being a little annoying, given the fact that he and Nino-chan has to stay home to rest their injuries but that’s your problem to solve so, good luck with that,” Aiba says around a grin, “I’m off now before you say anything more – this talk is making me jealous that I’m already thinking of driving straight to Nino-chan’s now,”

He shakes his head. “Better that than go out and drink,” he says, although the idea of drinking to at least bury this sinking feeling off is honestly a little enticing, but no. He’d rather stay home and watch Ohno prod and meander around the apartment than go out and drink alone.
“Well, I guess you’re right,” Aiba agrees, half-hearted at best because Jun knows his bandmates so well, too. Aiba’s pain is as tangible as his love for Nino, and sometimes, Jun couldn’t help but wonder how Aiba’s doing it. 

He himself knows how painful it is to look at your partner and wonder what the hell’s going on in the said partner’s head; he knows because he had to suffer it everyday, waking up with Ohno next to him and wondering if he’s the same guy who he fell in love with years and years before.
Honestly, he doesn’t know anymore.

The next time he blinks, Aiba is throwing an arm around his shoulders and squeezing him tight.

“I know I’ve already said this before,” Aiba says, “but I’m going to say it again just in case you need it, and with the looks of it, I’m positive that you do,” Aiba adds and grins, pulls him into a bear hug and whispers,

“Everything’s fine now, Jun-chan,” is what Aiba says, squeezing him one more time before he lets go. Then, “and as what Nino told me when he saw me wearing exactly that same face, IF YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT IT, JUST ASK,” 

“I’m –“

“ – worried and has doubts, I know, and it’s completely normal,” Aiba cuts in, reaching over to pat his shoulder knowingly. “Nino-chan told me the exact same thing, too. I know how difficult it is when you feel like you’re being kept in the dark, Jun-chan, because I’ve been there. The only difference maybe is the fact that Nino-chan has his own -- though dubious but effective ways to cut to the chase and straight into the heart of things, and Leader is, well, quite the opposite,”

That maybe so, but how in hell will he be able to clear things out if Ohno seems not too interested in tackling the matter again, or maybe ever?
He sighs. “Good for you Nino is better with talking than Leader will ever be, so I guess there’s not much hope for me,”

“You won’t know until you ask, Jun-chan, so I suggest you do exactly what you need to,” is what Aiba tells him before he pulls away and starts walking towards the direction of the door. Then he turns, and like an afterthought, he says, 

“And may I suggest you check the way Leader looks at you and compare to the way Nino-chan looks at me, too?” Jun frowns hearing this, and Aiba continues with a smile. “Oh you know, just an experiment. See you tomorrow, Jun-chan,” and Aiba is off, leaving him even more confused than before.

++

“How long are you planning on staying on that couch without moving?” is the first thing he asks Ohno the minute he enters the apartment and sees Ohno lounging lazily on the sofa, their television’s remote control dangling in between his fingers.

Ohno looks up and offers him an equally lazy smile. 

“I was waiting for you,” Ohno mumbles, shifting a little to his right and wincing when his injured foot hits the edge of the couch’s arm. “I remember you promised curry for dinner, right?”

He shakes his head and lets his bag hit the floor, his feet taking him to where Ohno is without him realizing it. He’s hovering over Ohno’s lithe form when he realized what he just did, and just shrugs it off as something that’s just so. He bends over and kisses the top of Ohno’s head, nuzzling the start of Ohno’s hair before he pulls back up.

“Welcome home, Jun-chan,” Ohno mumbles and leans up for a kiss. Jun immediately forgets the reason why he’s upset with Ohno, with himself, and just ducks down to give Ohno that requested kiss.

When he goes back up, Ohno makes a whining sound, obviously asking for some more kisses but Jun has to stop himself before everything goes hazy again. He dislikes the feeling of not being able to trust Ohno fully, especially after the accident but it’s there and he knows he couldn’t change how he feels until he does something about it.

He looks down and finds Ohno looking back at him, and that’s when reality strikes. It’s too sudden that Jun finds himself reeling back, gaze unfocused that he is sure his gaze goes past Ohno even though the older man is just right there.

“Jun, hey, what’s wrong? Hey, come on, talk to me –“ Ohno’s voice cuts through the haze, but Jun is vaguely aware of it. He could feel Ohno’s fingers grasping his jaw, barely aware that he ended up sprawled on his ass on their carpeted floor, staring past Ohno as Ohno kneels in front of him.

“Jun-chan, you’re scaring me,” Ohno mutters, and Jun tries his best to snap out of it. It hit him so hard, the reality that Ohno is alive and breathing – asking for curry for dinner while he’s internally beating himself up with things he knows he could ask but is actually too scared to find out about – those things he thinks Ohno is hiding from him, or just chose to keep to himself in the meantime.

“S-Satoshi –“ he calls, fingers scrambling for purchase as he grabs the nearest part of Ohno he could reach and pulls Ohno’s face down for a kiss. Ohno meets him halfway, his mouth parted open before Jun has time to wonder what the fuck he’s waiting for because Ohno seems to be waiting for this, too.

It’s a struggle after that, getting up and crossing the short distance from the floor to the couch without letting each other go. He only has half a mind to be careful enough not to grab Ohno where he supposed he shouldn’t, slowly trekking their way to the couch as Ohno kisses him back.
“You,” he breathes when Ohno lets him up for air, fingers already working hastily on Ohno’s pants as Ohno kisses his face, his jaw, his throat. “Can you?” he asks, knows that Ohno could very well understand what he is saying and absently tugging at Ohno’s pants and boxers in the same hurried movement. 

Ohno exhales harshly and pants wordlessly against his collarbone, fingers tight on his hair. “God, Jun-chan –“

“I need it, Satoshi,” he groans because Ohno chooses that moment to suck that sensitive spot underneath his ear, softly so as not to leave marks, taking Ohno in hand and pumping him fast. “I need you,”

Ohno doesn’t answer but he’s turning him around in one abrupt move, whispers something in his ear that Jun interprets as ‘help me take your clothes off’ and does exactly that. He’s naked before Ohno has time to blink, shivers when he feels Ohno’s fingers skimming the bare skin of his thighs, his legs, trembles when Ohno’s hand moves to the front and cups his hardened flesh in between Ohno’s long fingers.

“We don’t have anything to prepare you, so shall I leave you for a moment and let me just go grab our stuff –“

“Just do it,” he mutters, grabbing Ohno’s hand and letting it resume its work. Ohno exhales roughly in response and leans in forward to drop a kiss against his spine, one arm branding around his waist.

It’s not the sort of thing he usually allow because, well, sex for him is special and nothing and no one could change that. He always prefers sex on the bed, never in the kitchen, just one or few times in the shower, and not in the living room. Never in the living room.

But this time, Jun cares about nothing at all as Ohno takes him against their couch, hands gripping the couch’s arm for support. He’s pushing back to all of Ohno’s thrusts, craves the sizzling friction of their skins colliding with each movement even in this closeness, the curve of his ass perfectly fitted against Ohno’s hips. 

Ohno doesn’t want to hurry but Jun wants him to, begs him to do it faster, deeper, wants him to be there with him all the way. Ohno puts one of his hands to his hips, the other Ohno tangles with one of his, placing it over his chest where his heart is furiously pumping underneath in time with the stutter of Ohno’s hips. He keeps their hands there until Ohno’s growling behind him, and he barely has time to let go of the couch’s arm to take himself in hand, and comes just like that.

They do it one more time, on the bed with Ohno on his back and him on top, straddling Ohno; he’s much careful this time, re-arranging Ohno so as not to crush Ohno with his weight and settles with his knees in between Ohno’s waist, his hands bracing himself on either side of Ohno’s head as he slowly impales himself on Ohno’s cock.

It ends with his face mashed against one of Ohno’s arms, tremors still rocking them both as exhaustion settles in after the vigorous and wonderful sex. He finds that whatever it is Ohno chose to keep to himself doesn’t matter anymore, but still, he wants to know. He hates not knowing because he doesn’t want the implication of those things to come between them in the long run.

Ohno makes a pained noise and it’s what causes him to raise his head and looks at Ohno, immediately bolting right up when Ohno’s face contorts in obvious pain.

“Jun-chan, I can’t feel my legs,” Ohno whines and Jun contemplates between hitting him and kissing him senseless, so he settles with a kiss and a little slap across Ohno’s forehead.

++

They’re settled side by side on the couch (again), chuckling to himself as he feeds Ohno spoonful after spoonful of curry rice that he still (thankfully) managed to cook despite the lateness. He even has to literally carry Ohno out from the bedroom, complaining about his sore back while Ohno complains about his legs’ apparent loss of strength.

He finds that he’s smiling when Ohno reaches down in between them to tangle his free hand and one of Ohno’s own together and scooting closer to his side as if he couldn’t stand the tiny distance between them. He blinks and puts the spoon down, grabs the bottled water and hands it over to Ohno, thinking.

“Why did you call Nino out that night?” he outright asks because that’s just how he wants it – straight on and without any pretentions that he needs Ohno to break it to him softly. But he knows he’s asking this now just because he is curious and not because of anything else. He’s pretty sure he’s not lying when he told himself it didn’t matter anymore, so long as Ohno’s here and he’s staying. “And why did you guys ended up arguing in the car?” he adds, watches Ohno’s reaction as he does so. 

Ohno merely shrugs but catches himself halfway, squeezing Jun’s hand and putting the bottle down.

“I have questions I kept asking myself and I was certain he knew the answers to them, so I called him out to talk,” Ohno says but he’s not taking his eyes off of Jun either. 

“What questions?” he asks.

Ohno bites his lips and looks like he’s weighing the words in his head, rearranging them probably before he says them.

“Why he and I didn’t work out and why it’s going well with him and Aiba-chan,” Ohno says and it’s like a painful blow in the gut that Jun finds himself blinking the pain away, only for Ohno to erase it completely as if it wasn’t even there to begin with by saying,
“He got angry because apparently, I was asking a bunch of stupid questions and it was late and obviously, he’s not supposed to be out with me at such an odd hour but.” Ohno pauses here and lifts their joined hands together as if he’s inspecting the difference in them. Then, “I know it was my fault, but I just wanted to know, Jun-chan, because it’ll break me – it’ll pain me to destruction if I am to make the same mistakes I did before, when it was me and Nino and I’d hate myself forever if that happens. I can’t make those same mistakes, Jun-chan, I refused to, so I had to know. You and I – this – this is very important to me,”

His heart refuses to slow down, beating harshly against his ribcage and he finds it very hard to come up with something sensible to say. So he starts with letting go of the breath he realized he is holding, tugging Ohno in and pressing a tiny, sloppy kiss against the side of Ohno’s mouth.
“Next time, you talk to me,” is what he tells Ohno, his voice raspy with his efforts not to let his emotions spill even though that’s exactly what is already happening. Ohno nods his response and leans closer, nuzzles his nose against his throat and holds on, holds on.

“I will,” is what Ohno says and just like that, Jun knows they’re going to be fine. Ohno doesn’t necessarily need to say what he wants to hear, and Jun doesn’t need him to, not anymore.

He looks down and sees the way Ohno is staring at him, and it suddenly hits again, the memory of what Aiba said earlier and the meaning behind it all.

Ohno is looking at him as if he’s the only thing that matters, and that everything pales in comparison whenever he is near and he and Ohno are together. That’s the missing puzzle, what Aiba meant when he told him to make sure he sees the way Ohno is looking at him, and he knows – shouldn’t even doubted Ohno’s love for him even for a second.

“And don’t worry, Satoshi,” he tells Ohno after he kisses him, hard and fast and deep, “we’re not going to screw up,” he adds, grinning as he graces a tender finger across Ohno’s tanned cheek. 

“I’m not going to let either of us screw this up,” he says, and smiles when Ohno does, too. “we’re in this together, all the way, you understand?” he says, grasping Ohno’s jaw and pressing a quick kiss to Ohno’s mouth. 

“Together,” Ohno replies and he nods back.

Together. That’s how it is and that’s how it always will be. 

 

  

 

Comments

[sweetspicyhot.livejournal.com]

Thanks for posting this today. It's wonderful. I really needed this fic like Jun needed to know the truth. You are an awesome writer and a great friend. Hugs and Love to you.<3

[jade-lil.livejournal.com]

ah, BB <3

did you know this part has been written out first, roughly though, before I even finished the first two? of course not, you don't know that, LOL. but it's the truth. Somehow, I think this was better this way, yeah?

*hugs* and thanks for reading~

[betzi-chan.livejournal.com]

awwwww~~~~
so finally we got the answer.
and it is cute.
how much they love each other, but are so unsure of that at the same time.
but thanks god they made up.

and how they did make up ;-)
that was really hot btw. ^^

thank you for sharing this great story.
*hugs*

[jade-lil.livejournal.com]

thank you so much darling <3

I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get this right but, I think I did it? ahahha. thank you so much again~

[ica-90.livejournal.com]

read the three. and though i'm not fond of Juntoshi, this is sweet. and i wish luck for both partners XD

thanks for this :)

[jade-lil.livejournal.com]

and that made me really happy, knowing that you're an Ohmiya shipper but you read these fics nonetheless :D

thank you dear~

[ica-90.livejournal.com]

between.... i no longer used my last twitter account. i've made a new one, and have followed you there :)

[renchan27.livejournal.com]

Whatever happens there in this together :)
I don't know why but I had my doubts on what Ohno asked Nino, snd this came out too.
You're so afraid to make it bad again, and Jun so desperate to make it right but doesn't know how.

Lovely, absolutely lovely :)

Thank you for the good fic yet again.

[jade-lil.livejournal.com]

figured I'd better delay the reason that's why the second fic was written :D but as what I told sweetspicyhot, the final installment was written out first. This was really just supposed to be a very long one shot but because I'm fond at making myself suffer, I ended up writing two more.

thanks for reading even though the pairing is not your OTP <3

[renchan27.livejournal.com]

You started with ine idea and then you built around it :)
It ended up being very good so there's nothing to worry about ^_^

[bettswngg.livejournal.com]

Yay, the mystery is finally solved! :D
Aiba-chan really understands how Jun feels huh :)
It must have been hard for both of them... Jun was worried about the matter but didn't dare to ask, while the Ohchan had actually been worrying about making mistakes that could end their relationship. Awww, <3
I'm glad the two couples got over their insecurities in the end. Yay happy endings are loved :)
I love reading uke!Jun <3, so thank you! :D

Thanks for the trilogy, I liked it very much and I'm looking forward to more fics from you! You write really well! :)

[jade-lil.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad that you guys liked the fics :D

as I said, I was scared about writing pairings I'm not used to writing but I guess reading your comments made me feel a lot better now.

aww, but the thing about Leader is that he seldom talks, yeah? so I just imagined that he'd be the same with his relationships. That's why I think he and Nino are so good together because Nino speaks enough for the both of them <3

I'm glad you liked the fics and thanks a lot for letting me know that you do :D

[leiva21]

When Ohno told Jun what was his reason for going out with Nino before the accident, my reaction was the same as Jun's (but of course I can't kiss Ohno haha). I'm glad everything has been cleared and Jun got his answer. I'm intrigue with Jun and Aiba's approach at their similar problems, Aiba easily accepting even Nino didn't really told him what really happened, just a love confession has managed to wash his doubts away, but with Jun, even he's also accepting and convinced that Ohno really love him, but he still wants answers to his questions otherwise his curiosity won't be satisfied.
Thank you so much for this wonderful three-parts story. I'm actually quite surprise that you mentioned me in your dedication. Yes I do love Juntoshi and I love you for writing this ♥

[jade-lil.livejournal.com]

ahahah, I sure wish we could just kiss Ohno or any Arashi member when we want to (which would be like, every damn second, yeah?) but oh well, that would be impossible lol. Anyway, I do imagine Nino and Aiba's relationship will be like this, if ever they ended up together. Because Aiba loves and trusts people without reservation.

And with Jun and Ohno, I always imagined them to be like this -- Jun leading the relationship but he also babies Ohchan as often as he can <3

I'm so glad you liked this.. thank you so much for reading...