[100+Word Challenge] Batch 14 : Sakumoto - Domesticated fears

[nilielh]

 

Title : [100+Word Challenge] Batch 14 : Domesticated fears
Pairing : Jun/Sho (Sakumoto)
Rating : R
Genre : Angst. Romance. 
Summary : Sho need not tell him this is the end, that this time, it is certainly for real.
Word count : 1,550 words
Note : filling prompts over @JEPROMPTS 

 

017. Box

“Think that’s it?” Sho asks, wiping the sweat marring his temple and making a big show at arching his back and wincing whilst doing so. He has packed at least a dozen of boxes, most of them Jun even helped taped himself while he subtly tuned Sho out.

Jun wonders that too, and he would have answered right away if he’s not too busy swallowing his emotions back. 

Because he has to – he and Sho agreed about this, months before and he’s certainly not going to let the older man know how he’s slowly disintegrating inside, wouldn’t even dream of letting Sho in on the secret that he’s this close to begging Sho not to leave, to try it one more time.

“Well, if you find something else that you think belongs to me, you just keep it on another box and I’ll swing by to get them next time, yeah?” Sho says, turning around to face him. 

Jun forces a smile though he refuses to meet Sho’s eyes in fear of doing something he knows he would regret later.

“Yeah,” he agrees, wonders if his voice isn’t shaking just like the rest of him. “Yeah, I’ll – I’ll do that,”

If Sho says anything, he doesn’t know; he’s already turning on his heels, pretending he has to take a very important call. 

He bites his lips and blinks back his tears, although it’s a little too late. 

He’s sobbing by the time he reaches the bathroom.


019. Time

It’s about four in the morning when Jun realized he’s no longer alone in bed.

He shifts to his other side, rolling over and blindly reaching out for Sho, and for any part of the older man he could get his hands on. He couldn’t remember the last time they went to bed together, and really, Jun wants to get angry but he’s too tired and too worried to even start another argument that usually ends up with Sho walking out on him.

“Sho-chan?”

Sho merely grunts and rolls over so he’s now on his side as well, his back facing Jun.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Sho grumbles, his voice sounded very tired and very upset, and all traces of sleepiness Jun thinks he has simply vanishes. 

“Sho-chan, what’s wrong?” he asks, reaching a hand out to touch where he thinks Sho’s shoulder is and getting the back of Sho’s head instead. “Uh, sorry,” he mutters as he walks his hand slowly until he finally finds Sho’s shoulder, and gently tugs Sho back.

The next thing he hears is the sounds of Sho’s quiet sobs, followed by the shake of his body from where Jun’s hand is touching him.

“Sho –“

“I’m sorry, Ma-chan,” Sho apologizes, and Jun doesn’t even hesitate, never, as he pulls Sho into a hug so tight he’s afraid he’d break him. But it doesn’t matter because Sho is holding on, his tears seeping into the fabric of Jun’s pajama top, his whole body is shaking with the force of his misery, chanting ‘I’m sorry’ under his breath.

Sho need not tell him this is the end, that this time, it is certainly for real.


016. Numbers

Six years, seven months, fifteen days. That’s exactly how long they’ve been together, before it ended. 

Sometimes, Jun wonders if it is his fault; he was the one who confessed to Sho, afterall, but remembering the way Sho simply grabbed him then and kissed him as his way of telling Jun he liked him too, Jun isn’t sure anymore. 

He never really thought about beginnings, much more endings when he’s with Sho; when they are together and he could just be himself in the company of the one person who knew him best. He liked the feeling of being able to just laze around when he felt like it because Sho was there to do things for him, spoiling him to a fault, loving him like no one ever has.

He doesn’t really get why something so beautiful has to end just because the man he fell in love with has duties to his family he couldn’t just ignore, that he has to marry someone he doesn’t love just because it’s what society expected him to.

He wonders whether he’s bound by the same rules, then realizes that in the end, it doesn’t matter.

The man he loves and spent almost half of his life with is gone and he’s not coming back.

Maybe he needs to start counting from here on; maybe, time will stop and then everything will be over, including the pain.


018. Erase


Jan. 07, ‘15
Fr : Sho-chan
Subj : No subject

Will finish here in about an hour, what would you like me to bring you? I can stop somewhere and buy you something.

Love you.

Feb. 14, ‘15
Fr: Sho-chan
Subj: Valentines?

Dinner outside or --? I can make arrangements if you prefer to eat out but if you will ask me, better we just buy the food and eat in the apartment. That way we can – um, afterwards?

Um. Happy Valentines, Matsumoto-san.

I love you. 

Mar. 24, ‘15
Fr: Sho-chan
Subj: No subject

The meeting will take a little longer than expected. Go on ahead and don’t wait up for me. I might end up going home to my folks, it’s nearer. I’ll just see you tomorrow for the rehearsal. 

PS. No need to reply, I’m turning my phone. off.

Love you.

Apr. 15, ‘15
Fr: Sho-chan
Subj: No subject

Stop sending me ridiculous messages, I’m working goddamit. You’re not the only one feeling the pressure, okay? 

Just. Fuck, I’ll call you later.

Love you.

May 30, ‘15
Fr: Sho-chan
Subj: Tireeeeeeed

In serious need of a massage, hope you’re here to do it for me. This people are working me hard like a horse, I don’t even know for what, damn it.

Anyway, I should be back in two days. I got you those candles you said you like and that thing we saw on the net. Um. I fucking miss you already.

Two more days.

Love you.

Jun. 05, ‘15
Fr: Sho-chan
Subj: No subject

Father wants me to go with him to Singapore, he says there’s someone he wants me to meet. I’m not sure who it is but I have an idea. I – don’t worry, okay? I’ll call you as soon as we landed. I’ll keep you updated.

Love you.

Jul 25, ‘15
Fr: Sho-chan
Subj: Jun, please?

How many times do I have to tell you that I love you? It’s not like I’ve been lying to you all this time, okay? I told you I didn’t have any idea about this, it’s all my Father’s doing. Jun, please, at least talk to me, let us figure this out together! Don’t just – don’t just shut me out, I’m begging you! 

I’m coming over after the meeting whether you like it or not. Then we will talk. We’re going to figure this out. 

PS. I love you so much, okay? Okay?


Aug 29, ‘15
Fr: Sho-chan
Subj: Happy birthday

I’m not going to apologize anymore because I know it won’t mean a thing when I’m supposed to be there and yet I’m not. It’s just – I don’t even know what to say anymore. I wish I was there, I wish I’m eating the food you prepared but…

I’m sorry.


Sept. 26, ‘15
Fr: Sho-chan
Subj: No subject

I know I shouldn’t be doing this anymore, mailing you when I was the one who – but God knows I tried, God knows I love you more than everything but I just, I’m a coward, I know. A coward. 

I’m sorry.


Oct. 4, 15
Fr: Sho-chan
Subj: No subject

The articles are going to be released today. 

Please don’t read them.

I’m sorry.


Nov. 26, ‘15
Fr: Sho-chan 
Subj: No subject

I’m here at Ohno’s place, aren’t you coming? 

Or are you planning on dropping by when you’re sure I’m not here anymore?

In that case, I’ll be leaving in ten. I just. I thought I’d see you here, talk to you for a bit but I guess –

Never mind. 

I’m sorry.


Dec. 25, ‘15
Fr: Sho-chan
Subj: No subject

This’ll be the last. I just. I just want to tell you  before I go and.

I love you. And I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you.

Goodbye.


He highlights everything and swipes his thumb, his vision blurry with tears.

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO PROCEED?

Jun presses yes and watches the remains of Sho’s love disappear in front of his very eyes.


020. Dog

He hasn’t even managed to unlock the door, much more toes his shoes off when he’s being pounced on by something brown and flurry.

“Hey,” he ruffles the dog’s head, lets it lick the side of his face as its way of greeting before the two of them heads on inside.

Aiba gets him this dog for company a few months after Sho left, and though it’s considerably low downgrade than the company he has before, Jun’s not complaining.

“Sho-chan, what would you like to eat for dinner?” he tells the dog and smiles wickedly when the monster huffs and barks in response.

At least he gets to call it whatever he wants.

Comments

[jade-lil.livejournal.com]

Sorry about that, BB. but don't you think the last part was kinda funny? lol

um. Book of Tears.

let's see. let's see.

[sweetspicyhot.livejournal.com]

Well to me the last part proves that jun's heart can heal a bit. But the other parts are so sad that I almost feel like it isn't over and Sho will defy his father. Then he will come back and say "you named the dog after me?" But of course I always want the boys together. :D hugs<3

But this way is good too Jun will probably meet the love of his life walking his dog.lol

[jade-lil.livejournal.com]

it's really hard to write angsty fic, like seriously.

oh, but hey, there's the thought :D