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nilielhTitle : [Fic] I Have Kept You In My Heart (Part 4)
Pairing : Ohno/Jun, Sho/Nino, Ohno/Nino, Eventual Jun/?
Rating : R
Summary : Before Jun, there was only Nino. The man Ohno loved with everything he had, loved with such ferocity that any other emotion would pale in comparison. He was Ohno's everything, the love of his life, the person Ohno dreamed of sharing his whole life with someday. Until Nino's untimely death, six years ago.
Disclaimer : fiction, yo!
Warning : Angst in large doses. Memory loss. Minor character death. One-sided love.
Aiba came back to the sight of Kazuko-san crying, and Nino stomping about on the bed.
Sakurai-Sensei was there, too, along with the nurses, but they seemed to have decided to remain quiet amidst the confusing chaos, while Nino pounded his fists on the mattress.
“I demand to know what’s happening, god damn it!” Nino yelled, and Aiba found himself half-running towards him before he even realized what he was doing, his gaze darting between Nino and the doctor, and to Kazuko-san sobbing quietly in the corner.
“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” he mumbled, reaching over to grab Nino’s arms. Nino wriggled as if he’d been scalded, glancing up at him with something fierce in his eyes.
“Everything!” Nino snapped, “Quit making me feel like nothing is wrong because I’m sick of it!”
“Nino-chan, please, we’re not -”
“You’re in this, too!” Nino hissed, pushing him away. “Don’t think you’re off the hook just because you chooses to play innocent!”
Aiba felt like his heart just plummeted to the ground. “Nino, I don’t -”
“Yes, you do!” Nino hissed. “Tell me what in hell happened to me and why I couldn’t remember a damn thing!” Nino yelled, frustrated and equal-parts pissed. Aiba wished he could do something, anything, to help ease Nino’s pain, his frustration that seemed to cripple him from within.
Aiba couldn’t, though, and that was heartbreaking enough as it was. “Nino, please calm down -” he said, reaching over to hold Nino’s arm, then paused when he spied the doctor doing the same.
“Ninomiya-san, please listen to Aiba-san. You need to calm yourself -”
“Calm down?!” Nino yelled; “You expect me to calm down when I’m like this? Put yourself in my position, Aiba-shi, Sensei, and you tell me if you could calm down, knowing that your brain refused to cooperate and you can’t remember shit when you know you’re supposed to!”
“I told you it’s going to take some time,” Sakurai-Sensei insisted, crossing the short distance with an outstretched hand to grab onto Nino’s forearm. Aiba refused to step aside, allowing the doctor just enough room to squeeze himself between Aiba and the bedside table.
“Please try to calm down, Ninomiya-san,” Sakurai-Sensei repeated. “Getting frustrated over this won’t help, I already told you.”
“Obviously, doing that doesn’t help, either!” Nino snapped, “So, why don’t all of you just sit down and tell me what I need to know?” Nino grunted, his expression softening just the tiniest bit at the sound of his mother’s muffled sobs.
Aiba was torn between leaving Nino and going to her to comfort her, but he steeled his resolve. She was obviously just as stubborn as her son, and knowing her, Aiba was certain she would have preferred it better if Nino didn’t regain his memories back, for everyone involved. Aiba refused to take her side but he also didn’t want to hurt her by saying so, out loud.
He tried his very best not to say anything, now, but he couldn’t promise not to do so in the future.
He squeezed Nino’s shoulder in understanding, just as Sakurai-Sensei gestured behind him. “Nino, you know it’s not that easy. I mean -”
“Those are my memories I want back, Aiba-shi!” Nino hissed, cutting him off. “Is that hard to understand?” Nino said the last bit softly, the look on his face heartbreaking enough to make things in Aiba’s chest ache fiercely.
He struggled with words he knew he couldn’t say, meeting Kazuko-san’s pleading gaze from against the far wall where she’d ended up against, holding Nino as tightly as Nino would allow him, pressing his lips against the crown of Nino’s head softly.
“No, certainly not,” he whispered, just loud enough for Nino to hear. The pain was tearing him up from the inside, but he couldn’t do anything to stop it.
“But, you have to know that this - this is out of our hands. We can’t give you back what you lost no matter how much we want to. We can just hope you’ll get them back yourself, maybe not now, but in time, when you’re ready, so just…give it some time, Nino-chan. Please. We - We just got you back, okay? And seeing you like this is breaking all of our hearts, and I swear we would have given you what you need already if we knew how to. There are things that we could, of course, but we were told that it would be best if we let them come back to you naturally, that forcing you to remember might not help you to remember anything at all. So please, please, try to understand us on this, Nino.” Aiba breathed hard, and squeezed Nino with all he had.
He squeezed his eyes shut and the unspoken, But I promise I’ll do it… I’ll tell you everything I know, even if it means doing so would hurt you - remained unsaid. But Aiba promised himself, and Nino, that he would. Soon.
From his peripheral, he saw Sakurai-Sensei gesturing, and one of the nurse’s there moving, syringe in hand. He caught Sakurai-Sensei’s gaze over Nino’s head, and the doctor mouthing something that distinctly seemed like ‘tranquilizer’ in return, before he took over and did his job.
Aiba blinked on the mass of black hair below him, shut his eyes and wondered, just for a moment, how they were all going to make it past this shit without any one of them ending up getting hurt.
“I can’t do this anymore, Aiba-shi,” Nino muttered into his chest, his voice soft and his fingers grasping the front of Aiba’s shirt loosening. “Please, it’s too hard. I just…can’t…” Nino’s voice trailed at the end, and Aiba let go of the tears he realized he was holding, letting the nurses move him aside as Sakurai-Sensei caught Nino’s unconscious body out of Aiba’s arms, carefully laying Nino back on the bed and sighing.
Aiba took a step back, wiped the tears from his eyes and caught Kazuko-san looking.
No, please… she mouthed, her expression pleading, but for once, Aiba relented.
He bit his lips and shook his head.
Somehow, he knew it had to be done. One way or another, they had to tell Nino. And Ohno, too. No matter how painful, how difficult it would be just thinking about facing Ohno and telling him, how hard it would be to tell Nino when Nino had no idea what he was being told. He was the only one who could, because it was clear that Kazuko-san wouldn’t ever.
He ducked and kissed the top of Nino’s head, stared at his sleeping best friend’s face, quietly wishing he wasn’t about to make the biggest mistake of his life by being selfish. He could already feel his heart breaking, for Nino and Ohno both, but he knew that that, too, was inevitable. Things were fucked, coming and going, but Aiba would still choose this over everything else, of his best friend being alive than dead.
It would be up to Ohno how he would take everything in, the truth, from here on.
++
Jun popped the pills into his mouth and washed them down with water from the plastic bottle he’d taken with him. Then, he leaned his forehead against the bathroom’s wall, breath heaving, letting the coldness of the concrete wall calm his frazzled nerves.
It took him minutes, but he already felt much better than he was minutes ago. His eyes rivet back to the bottle containing his medication and groaned inwardly, knowing he was about to run out of supplies, again. It had been happening for the past couple of months, after all, and Jun knew this couldn’t go on like this and expect himself to get better.
He thought he did, to be honest. During the first few years after he met Ohno, the nightmares have stopped, and Jun had found it easier to sleep without the pills. Maybe because then, he felt safe, cared after, even though Ohno made sure to keep that wall he carefully built around his heart impenetrable.
Obviously, that was not the case anymore. During the past few years, Jun realized the pattern came back fiercer. This time, he found that he was also having troubles keeping the hallucinations at bay, that he would frequently find himself struggling with the urge to kill himself more and more while watching Ohno sleep.
His doctor told him there was no way he was going to get better if he was not going to help himself, and by doing so, he meant that Jun had to put himself first, above everything else. Jun had to address his own needs and tend to them, that he had to be around people who genuinely cared for him. Jun knew what the doctor meant exactly, but he was also certain he wasn’t ready to acknowledge that then yet.
He looked down at his shaking hands and wondered if somehow, it was high time that he did.
He shoved his fingers into the pocket of his jacket for his wallet, before pulling out a calling card his doctor, Takahashi-Sensei, had handed over to him the last time Jun went to him for a visit. He had no wishes to change doctors, but old Takahashi-Sensei and his family was migrating to Canada by the end of this month, and therefore Jun had no other choice but to reconsider.
He’s young but he’s more than capable, Jun-san, was what Takahashi-Sensei told him when Jun had accepted the card, albeit hesitantly. I won’t recommend him to you if I know he’s not. He’s one of the best, I’m telling you. I’ve already mentioned you to him so I’m sure he’ll be expecting your call. And I hope you would, Jun-san. I’d hate to leave you and my other patients behind but, you know, family always comes first. I hope you’ll understand.
He turned the card over and squinted at the name of the hospital written on top, before his gaze drifted on the doctor’s name printed on the middle.
Sakurai Sho.
Department of Neuropsychology
National Center of Neurology and Psychiatry
Kodaira, Tokyo
Jun’s gaze drifted back to the almost empty bottle of pills on the counter and sighed, already reaching around the back pocket of his pants for his phone.
It wouldn’t hurt to try, Jun thought, as he keyed in the number written on the card and waited for the call to connect.
++
“There is no way we can keep this from them forever,” Aiba insisted, knowing for a fact that Kazuko-san understood he wasn’t just talking about Nino, but Ohno, too. He knew he was pushing past the line of propriety, but he was Nino’s best friend, for fuck’s sake - he was one of the many who had his heart broken into million, unrecognizable pieces, believing Nino was dead.
Nino’s mother couldn’t hold this against him, his desire to make things right despite the fact that he had no idea where to begin, or even how to.
“And you can’t possibly think that it’s going to be easy. Sure, you were able to hide this from everyone, but that’s because Nino was in a coma. Now that he’s awake, you think he’s just going to keep quiet? He would want answers, Kaa-chan!”
“You think I don’t know that?!”
Kazuko-san remained uncharacteristically resolute. Aiba wondered if there was more to the reasons she gave him then, why she had decided to keep Nino’s condition a secret when she could have had her family, Nino’s closest friends, Aiba himself, and especially Ohno - everyone supporting her throughout the whole ordeal, instead of doing it all alone.
“Is there… Is there something you’re not telling me?” Aiba asked, her silence and the way she regarded him with a look that spoke volume he could hardly stand.
There was more, he could feel it.
Aiba watched the way she tried not to give anything away, but it was evident in the way her eyes turned sharper despite the tears forming there, the way her lips and chin quivered in fear.
“K-Kaa-chan?”
“What happened to him wasn’t just a mere accident, Ma-kun.” Kazuko-san said in a shaking voice, her tone low and gravely but Aiba heard her just the same.
“W-What do you mean?”
Her fingers found Aiba’s wrist, gripping it tight enough to hurt. But the look on her face evoked a different kind of pain that had Aiba gasping before he even realized what was happening.
“It wasn’t an accident,” she repeated, “Someone tried to kill my son that night and made it look like one.”
++
His hands shook against their grip on the steering wheel, and Aiba knew better than to start the car when he was this agitated. Resting his forehead against his arms and commanded himself to breathe, to calm himself down enough to think.
But, how could anyone remain calm after hearing something like that?
It wasn’t an accident; someone tried to kill my son that night and made it look like one.
He groaned, feeling his insides constricting at the idea of someone wanting to hurt Nino deliberately, to the point of killing him. Aiba knew of some people voicing out their opinions about the incident, but he’d been so devastated then to pay attention.
But now, hearing the same thing straight from Kazuko-san’s mouth, Aiba wondered if somehow, there was some truth to it.
Still, how could she had just said it like that? How had she known? Did she have anything conclusive to back that statement up? If so, would she use it?
Would she even want to?
God, just thinking of all the possibilities were enough to make Aiba’s head hurt. It was bad enough that he was still reeling at the shocking fact that his best friend had been alive all this time, and then somehow finding out that he could have really died that night because someone did try to kill him, made everything a hell of a lot complicated.
But, if someone did try to hurt Nino then, who could that person be? As far as Aiba knew, Nino was alone at the house when the accident happened. Ohno did say the same thing, that Nino’s family was not present when Nino went home that day, and they agreed on having dinner with Ohno’s parents later that evening after Ohno was done with his work.
Was it possible that Nino’s mother was suspecting - Ohno?
Aiba shook his head. No, that would be absurd. Ohno loved Nino too much to even think of hurting Nino, let alone kill him. Aiba wouldn’t, not even for one second, believe that Ohno was capable of it, no matter what.
Was that her reason for forbidding Aiba to call Ohno to inform him of Nino’s ‘recovery’? If not, then why would she still refuse when Aiba told her he had agreed to meet with Ohno this weekend? He hadn’t even managed to tell her he was planning on telling Ohno about Nino already, and she was already profusely shaking her head at him.
Couldn’t you, I don’t know, postpone it until we have…until we have spoken to Kazu about…about him? I mean, he might just want to immediately go and see Kazu and that’s - what if seeing him only make things worse for my son? Kazu obviously doesn’t remember him. Why complicate things now when we could simply take things slow, like what you said earlier?
Aiba stared at her as if she was insane, briefly wondering if it wasn’t the case already. God, how could she even say it like that? Sure, they could, but Aiba had no intention of doing so. She knew what Nino’s death did to Ohno, and Aiba was certain that if the situation was reversed, Nino would have expected the same thing from Aiba, and Aiba wouldn’t even think twice of telling Nino what he needed to hear, no questions asked.
Aiba was already dreading the moment he’d have to face Ohno and tell him these things, knowing Ohno’s tendency to act drastically, as what had happened, months after Nino’s supposed death. It wasn’t just Aiba, but everyone who knew Ohno and Nino and saw them together, that Ohno jumping into the arms of another man was Ohno’s stupid, stupid way of dealing with the pain of losing Nino then, not expecting it to last like it did.
Aiba honestly didn’t want to blame Ohno, but things were obviously different now.
He couldn’t help but wonder what would happen after, once Aiba had told Ohno about Nino, and Ohno was able to see Nino again.
Fuck, the complications kept piling up and Aiba wondered when they would stop.
His phone vibrated from where he’d carelessly thrown it on the dashboard, not expecting anyone calling him. But the name on the screen just about wiped a quarter of Aiba’s pain, as Aiba reached over to answer the call.
“Hey,”
Oh, you answered… the voice on the other end made Aiba smile despite everything he went through, like the person on the other line knew exactly what Aiba needed to get through this shit today, too. I thought I was gonna have to report that you’re missing, good thing I have a working brain, unlike most people I know. So, are you going to tell me what happened and why you decided to drop everything and disappear?
Aiba screwed his eyes shut and wished he could magically wave her over, just so she could hold him and he could breathe her in. That would be more than enough to calm his frayed nerves down, but he knew that he couldn’t.
There were so much to be done, but the last thing he wanted was to worry her unnecessarily. She didn’t deserve to be treated so badly like that, and Aiba had no intention of keeping her out of the loop when he needed all the comfort he could get. Especially now.
But that could wait. Aiba had things he needed to settle first.
“I’ll tell you when I get back,” he told her, knowing she would understand, like she always did. “I - Becky-chan, you do know I love you, right?”
Her laughter was like nothing he ever heard before, and Aiba loved it. Loved her with all of his heart.
Should I be scared, Masaki? You’re not off to marry someone else, are you?
He grinned, loving her even more. “I’ll marry you in a heartbeat, but you told me you won’t ever, until I proposed. So, I’m preparing. Just you wait.”
There was a pause, before she spoke again.
Something’s wrong, she muttered, her worries palpable. Should I be worried?, she asked just the same.
Aiba felt a phantom ache that didn’t have anything to do with her. She never made him feel like this, like he would die of heart ache, knowing the pain wasn’t his to begin with. But it hurt just the same, and Aiba promised he was going to do everything in his power to make it all better.
“No, because you just made it all better, Rebecca,” he muttered, missing her. “Now be a darling and hang up before I do, okay? I promise I’ll call you once I’m done. It might take another day or two, but I promise I will explain everything properly when I get home. I love you. I love you so much.”
She was quiet for a while, but when she spoke again, her voice was trembling.
Be careful, okay?
Aiba smiled and reached down to start the ignition. “What, no I love you, too?”
Ask me again when you come back, she said, her voice determined. You won’t get anything from me until you do.
Oh, he loved her. He loved her so, so much. “You bet. So, bye?”
She hesitated only a moment. See you, she said, then hung up before Aiba did.
Aiba breathed and tossed the phone back onto the dashboard, but not before typing a quick message to Ohno saying he was on his way to Tokyo, to see him.
“Yeah. See you.”
Pairing : Ohno/Jun, Sho/Nino, Ohno/Nino, Eventual Jun/?
Rating : R
Summary : Before Jun, there was only Nino. The man Ohno loved with everything he had, loved with such ferocity that any other emotion would pale in comparison. He was Ohno's everything, the love of his life, the person Ohno dreamed of sharing his whole life with someday. Until Nino's untimely death, six years ago.
Disclaimer : fiction, yo!
Warning : Angst in large doses. Memory loss. Minor character death. One-sided love.
Aiba came back to the sight of Kazuko-san crying, and Nino stomping about on the bed.
Sakurai-Sensei was there, too, along with the nurses, but they seemed to have decided to remain quiet amidst the confusing chaos, while Nino pounded his fists on the mattress.
“I demand to know what’s happening, god damn it!” Nino yelled, and Aiba found himself half-running towards him before he even realized what he was doing, his gaze darting between Nino and the doctor, and to Kazuko-san sobbing quietly in the corner.
“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” he mumbled, reaching over to grab Nino’s arms. Nino wriggled as if he’d been scalded, glancing up at him with something fierce in his eyes.
“Everything!” Nino snapped, “Quit making me feel like nothing is wrong because I’m sick of it!”
“Nino-chan, please, we’re not -”
“You’re in this, too!” Nino hissed, pushing him away. “Don’t think you’re off the hook just because you chooses to play innocent!”
Aiba felt like his heart just plummeted to the ground. “Nino, I don’t -”
“Yes, you do!” Nino hissed. “Tell me what in hell happened to me and why I couldn’t remember a damn thing!” Nino yelled, frustrated and equal-parts pissed. Aiba wished he could do something, anything, to help ease Nino’s pain, his frustration that seemed to cripple him from within.
Aiba couldn’t, though, and that was heartbreaking enough as it was. “Nino, please calm down -” he said, reaching over to hold Nino’s arm, then paused when he spied the doctor doing the same.
“Ninomiya-san, please listen to Aiba-san. You need to calm yourself -”
“Calm down?!” Nino yelled; “You expect me to calm down when I’m like this? Put yourself in my position, Aiba-shi, Sensei, and you tell me if you could calm down, knowing that your brain refused to cooperate and you can’t remember shit when you know you’re supposed to!”
“I told you it’s going to take some time,” Sakurai-Sensei insisted, crossing the short distance with an outstretched hand to grab onto Nino’s forearm. Aiba refused to step aside, allowing the doctor just enough room to squeeze himself between Aiba and the bedside table.
“Please try to calm down, Ninomiya-san,” Sakurai-Sensei repeated. “Getting frustrated over this won’t help, I already told you.”
“Obviously, doing that doesn’t help, either!” Nino snapped, “So, why don’t all of you just sit down and tell me what I need to know?” Nino grunted, his expression softening just the tiniest bit at the sound of his mother’s muffled sobs.
Aiba was torn between leaving Nino and going to her to comfort her, but he steeled his resolve. She was obviously just as stubborn as her son, and knowing her, Aiba was certain she would have preferred it better if Nino didn’t regain his memories back, for everyone involved. Aiba refused to take her side but he also didn’t want to hurt her by saying so, out loud.
He tried his very best not to say anything, now, but he couldn’t promise not to do so in the future.
He squeezed Nino’s shoulder in understanding, just as Sakurai-Sensei gestured behind him. “Nino, you know it’s not that easy. I mean -”
“Those are my memories I want back, Aiba-shi!” Nino hissed, cutting him off. “Is that hard to understand?” Nino said the last bit softly, the look on his face heartbreaking enough to make things in Aiba’s chest ache fiercely.
He struggled with words he knew he couldn’t say, meeting Kazuko-san’s pleading gaze from against the far wall where she’d ended up against, holding Nino as tightly as Nino would allow him, pressing his lips against the crown of Nino’s head softly.
“No, certainly not,” he whispered, just loud enough for Nino to hear. The pain was tearing him up from the inside, but he couldn’t do anything to stop it.
“But, you have to know that this - this is out of our hands. We can’t give you back what you lost no matter how much we want to. We can just hope you’ll get them back yourself, maybe not now, but in time, when you’re ready, so just…give it some time, Nino-chan. Please. We - We just got you back, okay? And seeing you like this is breaking all of our hearts, and I swear we would have given you what you need already if we knew how to. There are things that we could, of course, but we were told that it would be best if we let them come back to you naturally, that forcing you to remember might not help you to remember anything at all. So please, please, try to understand us on this, Nino.” Aiba breathed hard, and squeezed Nino with all he had.
He squeezed his eyes shut and the unspoken, But I promise I’ll do it… I’ll tell you everything I know, even if it means doing so would hurt you - remained unsaid. But Aiba promised himself, and Nino, that he would. Soon.
From his peripheral, he saw Sakurai-Sensei gesturing, and one of the nurse’s there moving, syringe in hand. He caught Sakurai-Sensei’s gaze over Nino’s head, and the doctor mouthing something that distinctly seemed like ‘tranquilizer’ in return, before he took over and did his job.
Aiba blinked on the mass of black hair below him, shut his eyes and wondered, just for a moment, how they were all going to make it past this shit without any one of them ending up getting hurt.
“I can’t do this anymore, Aiba-shi,” Nino muttered into his chest, his voice soft and his fingers grasping the front of Aiba’s shirt loosening. “Please, it’s too hard. I just…can’t…” Nino’s voice trailed at the end, and Aiba let go of the tears he realized he was holding, letting the nurses move him aside as Sakurai-Sensei caught Nino’s unconscious body out of Aiba’s arms, carefully laying Nino back on the bed and sighing.
Aiba took a step back, wiped the tears from his eyes and caught Kazuko-san looking.
No, please… she mouthed, her expression pleading, but for once, Aiba relented.
He bit his lips and shook his head.
Somehow, he knew it had to be done. One way or another, they had to tell Nino. And Ohno, too. No matter how painful, how difficult it would be just thinking about facing Ohno and telling him, how hard it would be to tell Nino when Nino had no idea what he was being told. He was the only one who could, because it was clear that Kazuko-san wouldn’t ever.
He ducked and kissed the top of Nino’s head, stared at his sleeping best friend’s face, quietly wishing he wasn’t about to make the biggest mistake of his life by being selfish. He could already feel his heart breaking, for Nino and Ohno both, but he knew that that, too, was inevitable. Things were fucked, coming and going, but Aiba would still choose this over everything else, of his best friend being alive than dead.
It would be up to Ohno how he would take everything in, the truth, from here on.
++
Jun popped the pills into his mouth and washed them down with water from the plastic bottle he’d taken with him. Then, he leaned his forehead against the bathroom’s wall, breath heaving, letting the coldness of the concrete wall calm his frazzled nerves.
It took him minutes, but he already felt much better than he was minutes ago. His eyes rivet back to the bottle containing his medication and groaned inwardly, knowing he was about to run out of supplies, again. It had been happening for the past couple of months, after all, and Jun knew this couldn’t go on like this and expect himself to get better.
He thought he did, to be honest. During the first few years after he met Ohno, the nightmares have stopped, and Jun had found it easier to sleep without the pills. Maybe because then, he felt safe, cared after, even though Ohno made sure to keep that wall he carefully built around his heart impenetrable.
Obviously, that was not the case anymore. During the past few years, Jun realized the pattern came back fiercer. This time, he found that he was also having troubles keeping the hallucinations at bay, that he would frequently find himself struggling with the urge to kill himself more and more while watching Ohno sleep.
His doctor told him there was no way he was going to get better if he was not going to help himself, and by doing so, he meant that Jun had to put himself first, above everything else. Jun had to address his own needs and tend to them, that he had to be around people who genuinely cared for him. Jun knew what the doctor meant exactly, but he was also certain he wasn’t ready to acknowledge that then yet.
He looked down at his shaking hands and wondered if somehow, it was high time that he did.
He shoved his fingers into the pocket of his jacket for his wallet, before pulling out a calling card his doctor, Takahashi-Sensei, had handed over to him the last time Jun went to him for a visit. He had no wishes to change doctors, but old Takahashi-Sensei and his family was migrating to Canada by the end of this month, and therefore Jun had no other choice but to reconsider.
He’s young but he’s more than capable, Jun-san, was what Takahashi-Sensei told him when Jun had accepted the card, albeit hesitantly. I won’t recommend him to you if I know he’s not. He’s one of the best, I’m telling you. I’ve already mentioned you to him so I’m sure he’ll be expecting your call. And I hope you would, Jun-san. I’d hate to leave you and my other patients behind but, you know, family always comes first. I hope you’ll understand.
He turned the card over and squinted at the name of the hospital written on top, before his gaze drifted on the doctor’s name printed on the middle.
Sakurai Sho.
Department of Neuropsychology
National Center of Neurology and Psychiatry
Kodaira, Tokyo
Jun’s gaze drifted back to the almost empty bottle of pills on the counter and sighed, already reaching around the back pocket of his pants for his phone.
It wouldn’t hurt to try, Jun thought, as he keyed in the number written on the card and waited for the call to connect.
++
“There is no way we can keep this from them forever,” Aiba insisted, knowing for a fact that Kazuko-san understood he wasn’t just talking about Nino, but Ohno, too. He knew he was pushing past the line of propriety, but he was Nino’s best friend, for fuck’s sake - he was one of the many who had his heart broken into million, unrecognizable pieces, believing Nino was dead.
Nino’s mother couldn’t hold this against him, his desire to make things right despite the fact that he had no idea where to begin, or even how to.
“And you can’t possibly think that it’s going to be easy. Sure, you were able to hide this from everyone, but that’s because Nino was in a coma. Now that he’s awake, you think he’s just going to keep quiet? He would want answers, Kaa-chan!”
“You think I don’t know that?!”
Kazuko-san remained uncharacteristically resolute. Aiba wondered if there was more to the reasons she gave him then, why she had decided to keep Nino’s condition a secret when she could have had her family, Nino’s closest friends, Aiba himself, and especially Ohno - everyone supporting her throughout the whole ordeal, instead of doing it all alone.
“Is there… Is there something you’re not telling me?” Aiba asked, her silence and the way she regarded him with a look that spoke volume he could hardly stand.
There was more, he could feel it.
Aiba watched the way she tried not to give anything away, but it was evident in the way her eyes turned sharper despite the tears forming there, the way her lips and chin quivered in fear.
“K-Kaa-chan?”
“What happened to him wasn’t just a mere accident, Ma-kun.” Kazuko-san said in a shaking voice, her tone low and gravely but Aiba heard her just the same.
“W-What do you mean?”
Her fingers found Aiba’s wrist, gripping it tight enough to hurt. But the look on her face evoked a different kind of pain that had Aiba gasping before he even realized what was happening.
“It wasn’t an accident,” she repeated, “Someone tried to kill my son that night and made it look like one.”
++
His hands shook against their grip on the steering wheel, and Aiba knew better than to start the car when he was this agitated. Resting his forehead against his arms and commanded himself to breathe, to calm himself down enough to think.
But, how could anyone remain calm after hearing something like that?
It wasn’t an accident; someone tried to kill my son that night and made it look like one.
He groaned, feeling his insides constricting at the idea of someone wanting to hurt Nino deliberately, to the point of killing him. Aiba knew of some people voicing out their opinions about the incident, but he’d been so devastated then to pay attention.
But now, hearing the same thing straight from Kazuko-san’s mouth, Aiba wondered if somehow, there was some truth to it.
Still, how could she had just said it like that? How had she known? Did she have anything conclusive to back that statement up? If so, would she use it?
Would she even want to?
God, just thinking of all the possibilities were enough to make Aiba’s head hurt. It was bad enough that he was still reeling at the shocking fact that his best friend had been alive all this time, and then somehow finding out that he could have really died that night because someone did try to kill him, made everything a hell of a lot complicated.
But, if someone did try to hurt Nino then, who could that person be? As far as Aiba knew, Nino was alone at the house when the accident happened. Ohno did say the same thing, that Nino’s family was not present when Nino went home that day, and they agreed on having dinner with Ohno’s parents later that evening after Ohno was done with his work.
Was it possible that Nino’s mother was suspecting - Ohno?
Aiba shook his head. No, that would be absurd. Ohno loved Nino too much to even think of hurting Nino, let alone kill him. Aiba wouldn’t, not even for one second, believe that Ohno was capable of it, no matter what.
Was that her reason for forbidding Aiba to call Ohno to inform him of Nino’s ‘recovery’? If not, then why would she still refuse when Aiba told her he had agreed to meet with Ohno this weekend? He hadn’t even managed to tell her he was planning on telling Ohno about Nino already, and she was already profusely shaking her head at him.
Couldn’t you, I don’t know, postpone it until we have…until we have spoken to Kazu about…about him? I mean, he might just want to immediately go and see Kazu and that’s - what if seeing him only make things worse for my son? Kazu obviously doesn’t remember him. Why complicate things now when we could simply take things slow, like what you said earlier?
Aiba stared at her as if she was insane, briefly wondering if it wasn’t the case already. God, how could she even say it like that? Sure, they could, but Aiba had no intention of doing so. She knew what Nino’s death did to Ohno, and Aiba was certain that if the situation was reversed, Nino would have expected the same thing from Aiba, and Aiba wouldn’t even think twice of telling Nino what he needed to hear, no questions asked.
Aiba was already dreading the moment he’d have to face Ohno and tell him these things, knowing Ohno’s tendency to act drastically, as what had happened, months after Nino’s supposed death. It wasn’t just Aiba, but everyone who knew Ohno and Nino and saw them together, that Ohno jumping into the arms of another man was Ohno’s stupid, stupid way of dealing with the pain of losing Nino then, not expecting it to last like it did.
Aiba honestly didn’t want to blame Ohno, but things were obviously different now.
He couldn’t help but wonder what would happen after, once Aiba had told Ohno about Nino, and Ohno was able to see Nino again.
Fuck, the complications kept piling up and Aiba wondered when they would stop.
His phone vibrated from where he’d carelessly thrown it on the dashboard, not expecting anyone calling him. But the name on the screen just about wiped a quarter of Aiba’s pain, as Aiba reached over to answer the call.
“Hey,”
Oh, you answered… the voice on the other end made Aiba smile despite everything he went through, like the person on the other line knew exactly what Aiba needed to get through this shit today, too. I thought I was gonna have to report that you’re missing, good thing I have a working brain, unlike most people I know. So, are you going to tell me what happened and why you decided to drop everything and disappear?
Aiba screwed his eyes shut and wished he could magically wave her over, just so she could hold him and he could breathe her in. That would be more than enough to calm his frayed nerves down, but he knew that he couldn’t.
There were so much to be done, but the last thing he wanted was to worry her unnecessarily. She didn’t deserve to be treated so badly like that, and Aiba had no intention of keeping her out of the loop when he needed all the comfort he could get. Especially now.
But that could wait. Aiba had things he needed to settle first.
“I’ll tell you when I get back,” he told her, knowing she would understand, like she always did. “I - Becky-chan, you do know I love you, right?”
Her laughter was like nothing he ever heard before, and Aiba loved it. Loved her with all of his heart.
Should I be scared, Masaki? You’re not off to marry someone else, are you?
He grinned, loving her even more. “I’ll marry you in a heartbeat, but you told me you won’t ever, until I proposed. So, I’m preparing. Just you wait.”
There was a pause, before she spoke again.
Something’s wrong, she muttered, her worries palpable. Should I be worried?, she asked just the same.
Aiba felt a phantom ache that didn’t have anything to do with her. She never made him feel like this, like he would die of heart ache, knowing the pain wasn’t his to begin with. But it hurt just the same, and Aiba promised he was going to do everything in his power to make it all better.
“No, because you just made it all better, Rebecca,” he muttered, missing her. “Now be a darling and hang up before I do, okay? I promise I’ll call you once I’m done. It might take another day or two, but I promise I will explain everything properly when I get home. I love you. I love you so much.”
She was quiet for a while, but when she spoke again, her voice was trembling.
Be careful, okay?
Aiba smiled and reached down to start the ignition. “What, no I love you, too?”
Ask me again when you come back, she said, her voice determined. You won’t get anything from me until you do.
Oh, he loved her. He loved her so, so much. “You bet. So, bye?”
She hesitated only a moment. See you, she said, then hung up before Aiba did.
Aiba breathed and tossed the phone back onto the dashboard, but not before typing a quick message to Ohno saying he was on his way to Tokyo, to see him.
“Yeah. See you.”
