![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nilielhTitle : [Fic] I Have Kept You In My Heart (Part 11)
Pairing : Ohno/Jun, Sho/Nino, Ohno/Nino, Eventual Jun/?
Rating : R
Summary : Before Jun, there was only Nino. The man Ohno loved with everything he had, loved with such ferocity that any other emotion would pale in comparison. He was Ohno's everything, the love of his life, the person Ohno dreamed of sharing his whole life with someday. Until Nino's untimely death, six years ago.
Disclaimer : fiction, yo!
Warning : Angst in large doses. Memory loss. Minor character death. One-sided love.
To be honest, seeing Nino up-close like this was shocking as it was heartbreaking.
The photos and the videos Aiba-chan showed him didn’t do Nino justice, not even in the slightest, and once again, he was left questioning the way the universe work as he stood there looking Nino over, rooted on the spot and completely uncertain of what he should do next.
It was indescribable, the feelings he was confronted with the moment their gazes meet. The joy and that overwhelming relief, as expected, overpowered everything, as was that almost unbearable need to pull Nino into his arms and never let him go. It was difficult not to give in to the urge, especially when his instinct was telling him to go and claim what he knew was his, but he knew that he couldn’t.
Apart from the glaring fact that Nino didn’t remember him, the right to claim Nino his was no longer an option now. Not when it was him who broke the promise first – Nino’s apparent death notwithstanding - and not when he was still technically in a relationship with another person, a good man.
“Ohno Satoshi-san, right?” Nino said, repeating his name in a way that brought little shivers down his spine. He nodded and bit the inside of his cheeks to make sure he wouldn’t end up either bawling, or saying something he might regret later.
Worse, he feared that if he wasn’t careful, he might end up doing both.
Nino blinked back at him and he had to watch the way an almost hesitant smile bloomed across Nino’s pretty face, the sight of it promptly breaking his heart into tiny pieces yet again.
“Could it be that you’re that…Oh-chan my blabber-mouthed best friend, Aiba-chan, was telling me about?” asked Nino, still with that hesitant smile in place. His heart stuttered in his ribcage on cue, wondering how to properly respond to that question when he had no idea what exactly Aiba-chan had told Nino about him.
Didn’t Aiba mention about Nino not remembering him, at all? Then how come – “He said you’re my best friend from University, is that true?” Nino followed without missing a beat, his liquid brown eyes surveying him over.
“I –“ he said, then paused, entirely unsure of what he should be saying next. Best friend from University? Him?
“If you are, I – I’m sorry, I can’t really remember it – or you, for that matter. Did Aiba-chan tell you my condition? I hope he did. I don’t really –“ Nino trailed here and laughed, mirthless as it was hollow, and his chest constricted yet again at the thinly-veiled frustration behind Nino’s eyes.
Nino shook his head, and he felt as if his whole world shook along with the action, too.
“I’m not really sure how to tell people I met after I turned twenty that I don’t remember them,” Nino said, “I mean, how do people even do that, right?”
He was going to break down, he could already feel it, and what good would it do for him at this point? For Nino?
God help them all.
“Kazu –“ he breathed and took one step forward only to force himself to stop before he could take another one, rooting himself on the spot despite the difficulty. Balling his fingers into fists, he forced himself to take a step back - the most difficult action he’d have to do in his life at this point - and urged himself to stay where he was, soaking Nino’s presence from where he was standing despite the relative distance.
Nino gave him a look, and he swore something inside him literally broke, probably the cold, almost impenetrable walls he built around his heart the night he thought Nino died.
He found himself moving before he realized he was doing it, his footsteps quick they were rivaling the rhythm of his heart beating inside his chest, and stopped when he was barely an arm’s length away from where Nino sat. He was shaking to the core when he stopped, breathing shallowly it was almost embarrassing if not for the fact that he was seconds away from breaking into tears, in front of the man who couldn’t even recognize him.
“Um,” he heard Nino say, his eyes blinking rapidly back at him in confusion. In other times, it might have been easier to tell himself stop, to just hang on for a second to reassess the situation, but not now.
He dropped on his knees right there, in front of Nino and reached for the younger man, tugging Nino in his arms, the feel of Nino’s body – alive and real and right here – against him prompted him to hug Nino tighter.
He shook and just stopped thinking, breaking down just like that as the past six years caught up with him in the span of those few minutes as he held Nino close.
+
Shun looked particularly confused for all of two second before his expression drastically changed to worry, when he said he wished to be dropped at a hospital in Kodaira.
“I thought you said you’re okay?” Shun demanded, ignoring the road entirely in favor of shifting to his left to glare at him. The look on Shun’s face only made him giggle; his best friend sure didn’t look that much scary, unlike him when he really wanted to be.
In fact, Shun seemed more than a little concerned, worried, alarmed. Well, he guessed it couldn’t be helped. He probably looked kind of pitiful right now, all things considered.
“Oi, Matsumoto, are you even listening to me? Come on, man, you’re scaring the shit out of me. If you’re dying on me, I swear to God, I’m leaving your sexy, dead body out in the streets. They’ll take pictures of you and maybe write nasty things about your stupid ex who’s obviously the reason you ended up dead–“
“I’m not dying, alright! And stop bringing Satoshi’s name up every damn minute, I don’t even want to think about him.” he snorted, reclining his seat and pushing his face further into the passenger side window.
“You were the one who said his name just now, I didn’t!” Shun countered, offended.
Jun rolled his eyes in answer, knew he was acting like a child. But, “Whatever.” He mumbled, because, really, he couldn’t care less about anything at this point.
Shun sighed, loud enough to rival the sound of the car’s air-condition running, and enough to make him sigh in return.
“Dude, seriously, are you okay?” Shun asked, and he sounded genuinely worried that Jun couldn’t help but feel downright upset about the whole thing, because, how could he not? This was all his fault, wasn’t it?
He breathed out, half-hoping Shun would just leave him alone for now.
“And hey, I’m not talking about the breakup here because, let’s face it, that’s just pointing out the obvious,” Shun followed, and he grunted to himself, unable to help it. “I mean, I’m talking about the accident. Jun, man, are you sure you’re okay?”
He waved a hand at Shun in answer. “I’m fine,” he muttered, just to be sure.
Shun didn’t sound the least bit convinced when he continued prodding at him. “You don’t look fine, though,” Shun said, “And you said you need me to drop you at the hospital. You going there for check up or something?”
“No,” he sighed, “and yes. I’m going there for a completely different reason. Now, will you please keep driving and stop asking me these questions? You’re making my headache worse.”
“Dude, you know that’s not healthy, right?” Shun told him after a long moment of silence, when he thought Shun had given up about making him talk. “Your habit of compartmentalizing shit would kill you one day, I’m telling you.”
He grinned drily and shifted on his seat. “It almost did,” he confessed in a low voice without meaning to, and swore he heard Shun cursed under his breath. “And that’s why, despite the fact that I despised having to ask for help, I had to. And I did.”
“And that help is waiting for me in the hospital right now. So, step on that gas and shut up. Jesus, I don’t even know why I thought calling you was a good idea. I should have called Toma or Mao, they’re obviously better at leaving me the hell alone if they think that’s what I need. Unlike you.”
Shun snickered. “You can’t,” he boasted, like he knew it better than anyone that Jun always preferred calling this bastard anyway. “Toma’s somewhere in Finland right now doing god-knows-what and Mao is left at home, dealing with babies one to three. So, let’s face it, your choices are limited and anyway, we both know you love me the most. So quit the crap talk and tell me about this help you’re boasting about just now. He’s not the same guy you happened to have dinner with the other night, is he?”
“Oh my god, who told you that?” he said, cringing.
“The owner of the restaurant is Yuu’s friend in high school, you don’t know?”
He pulled away, cringing. “Holy crap, I’m never dining there again, I swear! Did you ask them to spy on me, you creep?”
“I did not!” Shun countered, deflecting, though he was laughing so hard that it was hard to believe him. Jun scowled. “I guess she remembered you, since you have this memorable face and eyebrows and all.” Shun added, gesturing with his hand in those little circular motion at Jun’s face. Jun batted his hand away.
“We had dinner there, you recall? For the wedding anniversary?”
“I remember, yes,” he groaned; guess it was difficult to hide that fact now, and well, he really didn’t want Shun to think that he was cheating behind Ohno’s back, when it was the complete opposite, or at least that’s what he kept telling himself.
His best friend obviously had no idea about the whole Ninomiya thing, or at least the story that the guy even existed. Shun knew about the dead ex-boyfriend of his (now ex) boyfriend, sure, but that was it; he didn’t know who it was, the guy’s name or anything about the guy even.
And Shun had no idea, as did he, that the supposed dead ex-boyfriend was alive all this time.
“Great,” Shun said, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, impatient, the ongoing traffic making it easier for the other man to talk his ears off.
“So, you gonna tell me what’s going on or should I guess? The breakup – or at least this cooling thing off isn’t because…of that buff doctor, is it?”
He sighed. “And here I thought you know me better than that.”
Shun laughed. “Of course I do! And that’s why I’m asking you, right to your face. That’s what’s good friends do, right?”
“Good friend, my ass.”
“Yeah, keep stalling and maybe I’ll believe what those gossipmongers are saying.”
“It’s not true, okay?” he muttered, shaking his head. “That dinner was – it was nothing. I mean, Sakurai-Sensei – that’s the doctor’s name by the way, called to check on me when they couldn’t find me in the hospital after my brief meeting with him the morning before the accident. Don’t ask me what happened because it’s a stupidly long story, but just that he tried to call my cell after the accident and Satoshi happened to answer the call and told him about the accident so I ended up calling him back to tell him I’m okay and that if I could come meet him so I could take my schedule from him, which I wasn’t able to collect from his secretary earlier and then he proposed to give it to me personally and then invited me out to dinner like an afterthought, since it was well, dinnertime, which I agreed by telling him to meet me in that restaurant, to make the story short.”
Shun blinked at him through the overhead mirror. “That…isn’t short at all.”
“It’s the compressed version, believe me.”
“Right,” Shun agreed, chuckling. “So, you’re saying nothing’s going on between you two?”
He frowned. “Nothing,” he said, firmly, repeating it for good measure, shaking his head. “I know the guy for like, a few hours okay? And he’s my doctor, for fuck’s sake.” He added.
He couldn’t really understand how people’s minds work sometimes, but then again, who was he to judge, right? He was messed up in the head himself and it wasn’t even remotely easy to deal with his emotions and the terrible things his brain was able to conjure up in the most inappropriate times that it was difficult to tell the difference anymore.
“Well, I guess if he turns out to be something more, you won’t hear me complaining,” Shun said. “Maybe this buff doctor is just what you need to, you know, get over some people and be happy, for once?”
“You’re looking too much into this,” he snorted, then more quietly, “Don’t.” but he remembered the way he felt that night, during dinner, in Sakurai-Sensei’s company, and wondered if it was good thing, meeting him at this moment, when he’s having trouble dealing with everything. For the first time in a long time, he felt good, being appreciated like that, of being looked at so closely and almost intensely as if he was the only person in the room.
“I’ll do whatever the hell I want and you can’t stop me,” Shun grunted, then grinned like five seconds later. “Sounds familiar, eh? Of course, that’s exactly what you said to my face when I asked you whether you’re sure about moving in with that midget artist you met one night and –“
“He has a name, Shun,” he reminded his best friend wryly.
“And I remember you telling me not to say it,” Shun retorted with a huff. “Seriously, that guy doesn’t deserve you. I mean it, okay, and I’m not saying this because I’m your friend.” Shun continued, unaffected.
“Of course you’re saying that because you’re my friend,” he chuckled, “And let’s be honest here, you never liked Ohno anyway.”
“That’s seriously not true,” Shun refuted, “I like your boyfriend’s face, I think he’s cute, like a baby animal that likes sleeping, you know? And he’s got awesome art skills. My kid once told me to trade places with him, as her dad, because I suck at drawing balloon animals and your dude was so much better at it. Well, obviously he should be, since it’s his livelihood, that punk.”
He couldn’t help it, he laughed, surprised though at what he’d just heard. He’d always felt the distance between his best friend and Shun, but they’ve always treated each other quite civilly during unavoidable events and gatherings they ended up attending together.
“That’s hilarious,” he grinned. “But that doesn’t explain why you’re saying he doesn’t deserve me. I mean, we’ve been together for years, Ohno and I, but you’ve never even –“
“I like him as a person, don’t get me wrong, just not as your significant other, you know what I’m saying?” Shun cut in, and Jun watched him carefully direct the car into the intersection heading towards Kodaira. “I mean, I know I didn’t tell you this before, but that’s just because I know how stubborn you are. You’re dead set on keeping that guy, on staying with him even though we both know he didn’t give a fuck about anything - your odd relationship, or you, for that matter. And it’s damn frustrating, watching you waste your life away with someone who obviously couldn’t love you the way you love him, but I couldn’t do anything. We all couldn’t do anything, because we know you.” Shun pointed out.
He huffed and gave Shun a disbelieving glance; somehow, it sounded completely different now, hearing the words he’d thought about himself when he found out that Ninomiya person was alive. Different, but sensible. Obviously not something he would have believed himself if Shun told him this to his face a month ago, but hey, people changed, obviously.
He guessed that this time, he did, too. For the better, he hoped.
“I’m not gonna lie, I’m still not sure this is really what I want – the breakup or the cool off thing, I mean – but at least I want to, you know, try and look after myself better this time. And I don’t think I’ll be able to accomplish that if I don’t try to change things around a bit. And right now, staying there with Ohno isn’t an option. I know that now.”
Shun smiled at him, showing all of his teeth in the process. It was honestly creepy as it was heart-warming, knowing this guy had his back for as long as he could remember. For always.
“Good decision, buddy. And that’s why you’re staying with us, right?”
“I sure hope so.” He mumbled.
“Nah, it’s going to be great, I promise you. We can drink every other night, or sneak out to drink every night when the Missus is sleeping, and we’ll nurse that nasty heartbreak together, what do you say?”
“And risk getting kicked out of the house, no thanks. Did I forget to mention your wife terrifies me?” he snorted, only half-meaning it. Shun’s wife was the best, at least if she’s not pissed at something or someone.
“Yeah, dude, every time,” Shun grinned at him, “And believe me, she knows, that’s why she’s using that to her advantage, like, always. So, be a man! Don’t let her long legs scare you, alright?”
“I’m not scared of your wife’s legs!”
“Sure buddy,” Shun said, grinning, then like an after-thought, “Oh, and the spare bedroom is ready, by the way. Yuu cleaned it herself.” Shun ended his statement with a wink that had Jun feigning a grimace, even when he was close to breaking into tears once again. Grateful and equal-parts glad that he had friends like him he could turn to when he didn’t know what he’d do with himself.
He said nothing though he was certain Shun didn’t need him to, chuckling as he turned to his side brushing moisture off the corner of his eyes hoping Shun didn’t notice.
He’ll properly thank them later. For now, he’d keep it to himself and hope he was doing the right thing, even when he wasn’t sure about it himself.
+
“Um, O-Ohno-san, are you okay?” he whispered to the mass of black hair tickling his nose, completely uncertain as to how he should react to the awfully familiar feel of the man’s arms branded tight around him from his front.
This close, it was difficult not to feel the vibration coming from the other man’s skin, the way his whole body trembled with exertion and misery as he muffled his sobs against the front of Nino’s shirt.
He didn’t understand any of it, he couldn’t– the emotion this man’s proximity was evoking from deep within him particularly – but it was difficult not to get swept away.
It’s confusing, alright, but he didn’t need to have his memories back to know that there’s something here, something deeper than the actual thing he’d been told about. He could feel it in the way his arms have automatically wormed their way around the man’s back on cue, the way his hands stroked along the man’s back for comfort as if he’d done it so many times in the past though he couldn’t remember it.
“God, I’m s-sorry, I’m so sorry,” the man said after a while, pulling back away so quickly as if he’d just realized the gravity of what he’s done. He watched the man shift back on his haunches, far enough for Nino to reach him.
Absently, he reached out and wrapped his fingers around the man’s forearm for support, feeling the weight of something heavy settled around the vicinity of his heart the second the man raised his head, their eyes catching.
What he saw behind those eyes rocked him to the core, so different from the emotions he saw earlier, but stronger, fiercer. The feeling was being heightened every second their gazes lingered, and he swore there was no way it would ebb the longer they stayed there, looking each other over.
Against his better judgments, he found himself reaching up to touch the man’s face, smoothing the frown on his forehead before letting his touch linger to the corner of the man’s mouth obviously curled with misery.
“Ohno-san, who are you, really?”
+
To be fair, this wasn’t exactly how he imagined meeting Kasuko-san or the rest of her family again after years of avoiding it entirely.
The older woman seemed like she aged so much since the last time he saw her, her features sharp in contrast to the unhappy frown tugging at the corner of her lips.
Well, he guessed he could understand her perfectly, given the fact that he knew exactly where she was coming from. How upset she was at him for being here, for even showing his face to them when he should have known better not to.
“I didn’t expect you to come here,” Kazuko-san said, eyeing him critically from her spot near the open window. He bowed his head in lieu of disrespecting her, because he couldn’t help but check the door to the room they’ve wheeled Nino in, hoping to take a glimpse of him despite the distance.
“Mom,” Kazue-san called from somewhere around the vicinity of what could be the kitchen, as if she could perfectly sensed the brewing trouble between her mother and her brother’s forgotten (ex) boyfriend.
“That’s enough, alright? I was the one who let Satoshi-kun in. Don’t make him feel bad for being here and for simply wanting to see Kazu.”
Kazuko-san frowned, darting her glance between Kazue-san and him with a thoughtful look on her face.
“I’m not doing anything,” Kazuko-san shrugged, but she did give him a look that spoke volumes. “I just feel like, you know, since Kazu couldn’t remember him anyway, that it’s best if he –“
“I just want to see him, that’s all,” he lied through tightly gritted teeth, unable to quell the need thrumming behind his ribcage to explain himself. In fact, that wasn’t just it. He could feel his anger simmering under the surface, and the only thing stopping him from outright confronting Kazuko-san was the fact that he’d still respect her and her family, the reality that she was the mother of the man who once meant the world to him.
The man he was certain still meant a great deal for him, even after all these years thinking he was gone forever.
“Well, you already did,” Kazuko-san said, “does that mean there’s still something you need, because you’re still here and it seems like you’re planning on staying.”
“Mom, please.”
He squared his shoulders and directed his gaze on Kazuko-san, outright ignoring the warning bells ringing in his head as he sat straight and breathed through his nose, half-hoping Nino was really sleeping right now, as what his sister said so earlier, so he didn’t have to witness this confrontation now, or ever.
“You’re right, I am here for something else,” he said, through tightly gritted teeth. Kazuko-san barely twitched though he could see the way she was trying not to be affected by the knowledge that he was, in fact, wasn’t here just to see Nino.
“Satoshi-kun, come on, must you guys really talk about this now?” Kazue-san’s voice came through once again, this time she sounded much closer that it was easier to detect the strain in her voice when she talked. He turned in his seat and found her lounging on the nearby chair, certain that the tense look on her face mirrored exactly what was written all over his own.
“I’d rather he say whatever he came here for now than to expect him to come back to ask me about it again,” Kazuko-san said, all serious and business-like, and despite it all, despite the pain he’d carry with him in his heart for the past six years thinking Nino’s dead because of her decision to keep the truth from them, from him, he missed her.
He missed her terribly; but it wasn't enough to stop him from asking what in hell she thought she was doing.
“I’m glad we share the same sentiment, Kazuko-san,” he said, meeting her eyes straight on. “Fine, then. Why don’t we start from the beginning; I want to know what made you decide to keep the truth about Nino’s accident a secret, when you know it killed me too when I thought your son died that night.” He said in one go, keeping his gaze locked on hers as she did the same.
She gave him a look that sure made the hairs at the back of his neck stand on end.
“Well, apart from what’s obvious?” Kazuko-san asked, mouth curved into a hard line. “It was all because of you.”
Pairing : Ohno/Jun, Sho/Nino, Ohno/Nino, Eventual Jun/?
Rating : R
Summary : Before Jun, there was only Nino. The man Ohno loved with everything he had, loved with such ferocity that any other emotion would pale in comparison. He was Ohno's everything, the love of his life, the person Ohno dreamed of sharing his whole life with someday. Until Nino's untimely death, six years ago.
Disclaimer : fiction, yo!
Warning : Angst in large doses. Memory loss. Minor character death. One-sided love.
To be honest, seeing Nino up-close like this was shocking as it was heartbreaking.
The photos and the videos Aiba-chan showed him didn’t do Nino justice, not even in the slightest, and once again, he was left questioning the way the universe work as he stood there looking Nino over, rooted on the spot and completely uncertain of what he should do next.
It was indescribable, the feelings he was confronted with the moment their gazes meet. The joy and that overwhelming relief, as expected, overpowered everything, as was that almost unbearable need to pull Nino into his arms and never let him go. It was difficult not to give in to the urge, especially when his instinct was telling him to go and claim what he knew was his, but he knew that he couldn’t.
Apart from the glaring fact that Nino didn’t remember him, the right to claim Nino his was no longer an option now. Not when it was him who broke the promise first – Nino’s apparent death notwithstanding - and not when he was still technically in a relationship with another person, a good man.
“Ohno Satoshi-san, right?” Nino said, repeating his name in a way that brought little shivers down his spine. He nodded and bit the inside of his cheeks to make sure he wouldn’t end up either bawling, or saying something he might regret later.
Worse, he feared that if he wasn’t careful, he might end up doing both.
Nino blinked back at him and he had to watch the way an almost hesitant smile bloomed across Nino’s pretty face, the sight of it promptly breaking his heart into tiny pieces yet again.
“Could it be that you’re that…Oh-chan my blabber-mouthed best friend, Aiba-chan, was telling me about?” asked Nino, still with that hesitant smile in place. His heart stuttered in his ribcage on cue, wondering how to properly respond to that question when he had no idea what exactly Aiba-chan had told Nino about him.
Didn’t Aiba mention about Nino not remembering him, at all? Then how come – “He said you’re my best friend from University, is that true?” Nino followed without missing a beat, his liquid brown eyes surveying him over.
“I –“ he said, then paused, entirely unsure of what he should be saying next. Best friend from University? Him?
“If you are, I – I’m sorry, I can’t really remember it – or you, for that matter. Did Aiba-chan tell you my condition? I hope he did. I don’t really –“ Nino trailed here and laughed, mirthless as it was hollow, and his chest constricted yet again at the thinly-veiled frustration behind Nino’s eyes.
Nino shook his head, and he felt as if his whole world shook along with the action, too.
“I’m not really sure how to tell people I met after I turned twenty that I don’t remember them,” Nino said, “I mean, how do people even do that, right?”
He was going to break down, he could already feel it, and what good would it do for him at this point? For Nino?
God help them all.
“Kazu –“ he breathed and took one step forward only to force himself to stop before he could take another one, rooting himself on the spot despite the difficulty. Balling his fingers into fists, he forced himself to take a step back - the most difficult action he’d have to do in his life at this point - and urged himself to stay where he was, soaking Nino’s presence from where he was standing despite the relative distance.
Nino gave him a look, and he swore something inside him literally broke, probably the cold, almost impenetrable walls he built around his heart the night he thought Nino died.
He found himself moving before he realized he was doing it, his footsteps quick they were rivaling the rhythm of his heart beating inside his chest, and stopped when he was barely an arm’s length away from where Nino sat. He was shaking to the core when he stopped, breathing shallowly it was almost embarrassing if not for the fact that he was seconds away from breaking into tears, in front of the man who couldn’t even recognize him.
“Um,” he heard Nino say, his eyes blinking rapidly back at him in confusion. In other times, it might have been easier to tell himself stop, to just hang on for a second to reassess the situation, but not now.
He dropped on his knees right there, in front of Nino and reached for the younger man, tugging Nino in his arms, the feel of Nino’s body – alive and real and right here – against him prompted him to hug Nino tighter.
He shook and just stopped thinking, breaking down just like that as the past six years caught up with him in the span of those few minutes as he held Nino close.
+
Shun looked particularly confused for all of two second before his expression drastically changed to worry, when he said he wished to be dropped at a hospital in Kodaira.
“I thought you said you’re okay?” Shun demanded, ignoring the road entirely in favor of shifting to his left to glare at him. The look on Shun’s face only made him giggle; his best friend sure didn’t look that much scary, unlike him when he really wanted to be.
In fact, Shun seemed more than a little concerned, worried, alarmed. Well, he guessed it couldn’t be helped. He probably looked kind of pitiful right now, all things considered.
“Oi, Matsumoto, are you even listening to me? Come on, man, you’re scaring the shit out of me. If you’re dying on me, I swear to God, I’m leaving your sexy, dead body out in the streets. They’ll take pictures of you and maybe write nasty things about your stupid ex who’s obviously the reason you ended up dead–“
“I’m not dying, alright! And stop bringing Satoshi’s name up every damn minute, I don’t even want to think about him.” he snorted, reclining his seat and pushing his face further into the passenger side window.
“You were the one who said his name just now, I didn’t!” Shun countered, offended.
Jun rolled his eyes in answer, knew he was acting like a child. But, “Whatever.” He mumbled, because, really, he couldn’t care less about anything at this point.
Shun sighed, loud enough to rival the sound of the car’s air-condition running, and enough to make him sigh in return.
“Dude, seriously, are you okay?” Shun asked, and he sounded genuinely worried that Jun couldn’t help but feel downright upset about the whole thing, because, how could he not? This was all his fault, wasn’t it?
He breathed out, half-hoping Shun would just leave him alone for now.
“And hey, I’m not talking about the breakup here because, let’s face it, that’s just pointing out the obvious,” Shun followed, and he grunted to himself, unable to help it. “I mean, I’m talking about the accident. Jun, man, are you sure you’re okay?”
He waved a hand at Shun in answer. “I’m fine,” he muttered, just to be sure.
Shun didn’t sound the least bit convinced when he continued prodding at him. “You don’t look fine, though,” Shun said, “And you said you need me to drop you at the hospital. You going there for check up or something?”
“No,” he sighed, “and yes. I’m going there for a completely different reason. Now, will you please keep driving and stop asking me these questions? You’re making my headache worse.”
“Dude, you know that’s not healthy, right?” Shun told him after a long moment of silence, when he thought Shun had given up about making him talk. “Your habit of compartmentalizing shit would kill you one day, I’m telling you.”
He grinned drily and shifted on his seat. “It almost did,” he confessed in a low voice without meaning to, and swore he heard Shun cursed under his breath. “And that’s why, despite the fact that I despised having to ask for help, I had to. And I did.”
“And that help is waiting for me in the hospital right now. So, step on that gas and shut up. Jesus, I don’t even know why I thought calling you was a good idea. I should have called Toma or Mao, they’re obviously better at leaving me the hell alone if they think that’s what I need. Unlike you.”
Shun snickered. “You can’t,” he boasted, like he knew it better than anyone that Jun always preferred calling this bastard anyway. “Toma’s somewhere in Finland right now doing god-knows-what and Mao is left at home, dealing with babies one to three. So, let’s face it, your choices are limited and anyway, we both know you love me the most. So quit the crap talk and tell me about this help you’re boasting about just now. He’s not the same guy you happened to have dinner with the other night, is he?”
“Oh my god, who told you that?” he said, cringing.
“The owner of the restaurant is Yuu’s friend in high school, you don’t know?”
He pulled away, cringing. “Holy crap, I’m never dining there again, I swear! Did you ask them to spy on me, you creep?”
“I did not!” Shun countered, deflecting, though he was laughing so hard that it was hard to believe him. Jun scowled. “I guess she remembered you, since you have this memorable face and eyebrows and all.” Shun added, gesturing with his hand in those little circular motion at Jun’s face. Jun batted his hand away.
“We had dinner there, you recall? For the wedding anniversary?”
“I remember, yes,” he groaned; guess it was difficult to hide that fact now, and well, he really didn’t want Shun to think that he was cheating behind Ohno’s back, when it was the complete opposite, or at least that’s what he kept telling himself.
His best friend obviously had no idea about the whole Ninomiya thing, or at least the story that the guy even existed. Shun knew about the dead ex-boyfriend of his (now ex) boyfriend, sure, but that was it; he didn’t know who it was, the guy’s name or anything about the guy even.
And Shun had no idea, as did he, that the supposed dead ex-boyfriend was alive all this time.
“Great,” Shun said, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, impatient, the ongoing traffic making it easier for the other man to talk his ears off.
“So, you gonna tell me what’s going on or should I guess? The breakup – or at least this cooling thing off isn’t because…of that buff doctor, is it?”
He sighed. “And here I thought you know me better than that.”
Shun laughed. “Of course I do! And that’s why I’m asking you, right to your face. That’s what’s good friends do, right?”
“Good friend, my ass.”
“Yeah, keep stalling and maybe I’ll believe what those gossipmongers are saying.”
“It’s not true, okay?” he muttered, shaking his head. “That dinner was – it was nothing. I mean, Sakurai-Sensei – that’s the doctor’s name by the way, called to check on me when they couldn’t find me in the hospital after my brief meeting with him the morning before the accident. Don’t ask me what happened because it’s a stupidly long story, but just that he tried to call my cell after the accident and Satoshi happened to answer the call and told him about the accident so I ended up calling him back to tell him I’m okay and that if I could come meet him so I could take my schedule from him, which I wasn’t able to collect from his secretary earlier and then he proposed to give it to me personally and then invited me out to dinner like an afterthought, since it was well, dinnertime, which I agreed by telling him to meet me in that restaurant, to make the story short.”
Shun blinked at him through the overhead mirror. “That…isn’t short at all.”
“It’s the compressed version, believe me.”
“Right,” Shun agreed, chuckling. “So, you’re saying nothing’s going on between you two?”
He frowned. “Nothing,” he said, firmly, repeating it for good measure, shaking his head. “I know the guy for like, a few hours okay? And he’s my doctor, for fuck’s sake.” He added.
He couldn’t really understand how people’s minds work sometimes, but then again, who was he to judge, right? He was messed up in the head himself and it wasn’t even remotely easy to deal with his emotions and the terrible things his brain was able to conjure up in the most inappropriate times that it was difficult to tell the difference anymore.
“Well, I guess if he turns out to be something more, you won’t hear me complaining,” Shun said. “Maybe this buff doctor is just what you need to, you know, get over some people and be happy, for once?”
“You’re looking too much into this,” he snorted, then more quietly, “Don’t.” but he remembered the way he felt that night, during dinner, in Sakurai-Sensei’s company, and wondered if it was good thing, meeting him at this moment, when he’s having trouble dealing with everything. For the first time in a long time, he felt good, being appreciated like that, of being looked at so closely and almost intensely as if he was the only person in the room.
“I’ll do whatever the hell I want and you can’t stop me,” Shun grunted, then grinned like five seconds later. “Sounds familiar, eh? Of course, that’s exactly what you said to my face when I asked you whether you’re sure about moving in with that midget artist you met one night and –“
“He has a name, Shun,” he reminded his best friend wryly.
“And I remember you telling me not to say it,” Shun retorted with a huff. “Seriously, that guy doesn’t deserve you. I mean it, okay, and I’m not saying this because I’m your friend.” Shun continued, unaffected.
“Of course you’re saying that because you’re my friend,” he chuckled, “And let’s be honest here, you never liked Ohno anyway.”
“That’s seriously not true,” Shun refuted, “I like your boyfriend’s face, I think he’s cute, like a baby animal that likes sleeping, you know? And he’s got awesome art skills. My kid once told me to trade places with him, as her dad, because I suck at drawing balloon animals and your dude was so much better at it. Well, obviously he should be, since it’s his livelihood, that punk.”
He couldn’t help it, he laughed, surprised though at what he’d just heard. He’d always felt the distance between his best friend and Shun, but they’ve always treated each other quite civilly during unavoidable events and gatherings they ended up attending together.
“That’s hilarious,” he grinned. “But that doesn’t explain why you’re saying he doesn’t deserve me. I mean, we’ve been together for years, Ohno and I, but you’ve never even –“
“I like him as a person, don’t get me wrong, just not as your significant other, you know what I’m saying?” Shun cut in, and Jun watched him carefully direct the car into the intersection heading towards Kodaira. “I mean, I know I didn’t tell you this before, but that’s just because I know how stubborn you are. You’re dead set on keeping that guy, on staying with him even though we both know he didn’t give a fuck about anything - your odd relationship, or you, for that matter. And it’s damn frustrating, watching you waste your life away with someone who obviously couldn’t love you the way you love him, but I couldn’t do anything. We all couldn’t do anything, because we know you.” Shun pointed out.
He huffed and gave Shun a disbelieving glance; somehow, it sounded completely different now, hearing the words he’d thought about himself when he found out that Ninomiya person was alive. Different, but sensible. Obviously not something he would have believed himself if Shun told him this to his face a month ago, but hey, people changed, obviously.
He guessed that this time, he did, too. For the better, he hoped.
“I’m not gonna lie, I’m still not sure this is really what I want – the breakup or the cool off thing, I mean – but at least I want to, you know, try and look after myself better this time. And I don’t think I’ll be able to accomplish that if I don’t try to change things around a bit. And right now, staying there with Ohno isn’t an option. I know that now.”
Shun smiled at him, showing all of his teeth in the process. It was honestly creepy as it was heart-warming, knowing this guy had his back for as long as he could remember. For always.
“Good decision, buddy. And that’s why you’re staying with us, right?”
“I sure hope so.” He mumbled.
“Nah, it’s going to be great, I promise you. We can drink every other night, or sneak out to drink every night when the Missus is sleeping, and we’ll nurse that nasty heartbreak together, what do you say?”
“And risk getting kicked out of the house, no thanks. Did I forget to mention your wife terrifies me?” he snorted, only half-meaning it. Shun’s wife was the best, at least if she’s not pissed at something or someone.
“Yeah, dude, every time,” Shun grinned at him, “And believe me, she knows, that’s why she’s using that to her advantage, like, always. So, be a man! Don’t let her long legs scare you, alright?”
“I’m not scared of your wife’s legs!”
“Sure buddy,” Shun said, grinning, then like an after-thought, “Oh, and the spare bedroom is ready, by the way. Yuu cleaned it herself.” Shun ended his statement with a wink that had Jun feigning a grimace, even when he was close to breaking into tears once again. Grateful and equal-parts glad that he had friends like him he could turn to when he didn’t know what he’d do with himself.
He said nothing though he was certain Shun didn’t need him to, chuckling as he turned to his side brushing moisture off the corner of his eyes hoping Shun didn’t notice.
He’ll properly thank them later. For now, he’d keep it to himself and hope he was doing the right thing, even when he wasn’t sure about it himself.
+
“Um, O-Ohno-san, are you okay?” he whispered to the mass of black hair tickling his nose, completely uncertain as to how he should react to the awfully familiar feel of the man’s arms branded tight around him from his front.
This close, it was difficult not to feel the vibration coming from the other man’s skin, the way his whole body trembled with exertion and misery as he muffled his sobs against the front of Nino’s shirt.
He didn’t understand any of it, he couldn’t– the emotion this man’s proximity was evoking from deep within him particularly – but it was difficult not to get swept away.
It’s confusing, alright, but he didn’t need to have his memories back to know that there’s something here, something deeper than the actual thing he’d been told about. He could feel it in the way his arms have automatically wormed their way around the man’s back on cue, the way his hands stroked along the man’s back for comfort as if he’d done it so many times in the past though he couldn’t remember it.
“God, I’m s-sorry, I’m so sorry,” the man said after a while, pulling back away so quickly as if he’d just realized the gravity of what he’s done. He watched the man shift back on his haunches, far enough for Nino to reach him.
Absently, he reached out and wrapped his fingers around the man’s forearm for support, feeling the weight of something heavy settled around the vicinity of his heart the second the man raised his head, their eyes catching.
What he saw behind those eyes rocked him to the core, so different from the emotions he saw earlier, but stronger, fiercer. The feeling was being heightened every second their gazes lingered, and he swore there was no way it would ebb the longer they stayed there, looking each other over.
Against his better judgments, he found himself reaching up to touch the man’s face, smoothing the frown on his forehead before letting his touch linger to the corner of the man’s mouth obviously curled with misery.
“Ohno-san, who are you, really?”
+
To be fair, this wasn’t exactly how he imagined meeting Kasuko-san or the rest of her family again after years of avoiding it entirely.
The older woman seemed like she aged so much since the last time he saw her, her features sharp in contrast to the unhappy frown tugging at the corner of her lips.
Well, he guessed he could understand her perfectly, given the fact that he knew exactly where she was coming from. How upset she was at him for being here, for even showing his face to them when he should have known better not to.
“I didn’t expect you to come here,” Kazuko-san said, eyeing him critically from her spot near the open window. He bowed his head in lieu of disrespecting her, because he couldn’t help but check the door to the room they’ve wheeled Nino in, hoping to take a glimpse of him despite the distance.
“Mom,” Kazue-san called from somewhere around the vicinity of what could be the kitchen, as if she could perfectly sensed the brewing trouble between her mother and her brother’s forgotten (ex) boyfriend.
“That’s enough, alright? I was the one who let Satoshi-kun in. Don’t make him feel bad for being here and for simply wanting to see Kazu.”
Kazuko-san frowned, darting her glance between Kazue-san and him with a thoughtful look on her face.
“I’m not doing anything,” Kazuko-san shrugged, but she did give him a look that spoke volumes. “I just feel like, you know, since Kazu couldn’t remember him anyway, that it’s best if he –“
“I just want to see him, that’s all,” he lied through tightly gritted teeth, unable to quell the need thrumming behind his ribcage to explain himself. In fact, that wasn’t just it. He could feel his anger simmering under the surface, and the only thing stopping him from outright confronting Kazuko-san was the fact that he’d still respect her and her family, the reality that she was the mother of the man who once meant the world to him.
The man he was certain still meant a great deal for him, even after all these years thinking he was gone forever.
“Well, you already did,” Kazuko-san said, “does that mean there’s still something you need, because you’re still here and it seems like you’re planning on staying.”
“Mom, please.”
He squared his shoulders and directed his gaze on Kazuko-san, outright ignoring the warning bells ringing in his head as he sat straight and breathed through his nose, half-hoping Nino was really sleeping right now, as what his sister said so earlier, so he didn’t have to witness this confrontation now, or ever.
“You’re right, I am here for something else,” he said, through tightly gritted teeth. Kazuko-san barely twitched though he could see the way she was trying not to be affected by the knowledge that he was, in fact, wasn’t here just to see Nino.
“Satoshi-kun, come on, must you guys really talk about this now?” Kazue-san’s voice came through once again, this time she sounded much closer that it was easier to detect the strain in her voice when she talked. He turned in his seat and found her lounging on the nearby chair, certain that the tense look on her face mirrored exactly what was written all over his own.
“I’d rather he say whatever he came here for now than to expect him to come back to ask me about it again,” Kazuko-san said, all serious and business-like, and despite it all, despite the pain he’d carry with him in his heart for the past six years thinking Nino’s dead because of her decision to keep the truth from them, from him, he missed her.
He missed her terribly; but it wasn't enough to stop him from asking what in hell she thought she was doing.
“I’m glad we share the same sentiment, Kazuko-san,” he said, meeting her eyes straight on. “Fine, then. Why don’t we start from the beginning; I want to know what made you decide to keep the truth about Nino’s accident a secret, when you know it killed me too when I thought your son died that night.” He said in one go, keeping his gaze locked on hers as she did the same.
She gave him a look that sure made the hairs at the back of his neck stand on end.
“Well, apart from what’s obvious?” Kazuko-san asked, mouth curved into a hard line. “It was all because of you.”
